Why can’t you just get over it?

Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention.  Certified life coach helping midlife women believe their best years are ahead.
Me… pulling up my big girl panties.

Why can’t you just get over it, if I can’t? The idea that a life coach has it all together and never experiences negative feelings is one of the biggest misconception I have encountered as a life coach.  As much as I would like to avoid unwanted emotions, I must confess that I experience ALL the good/bad and the ugly feelings available to the human race!  

Living in the Texas Tundra this past week has pushed all my buttons, and it got ugly!

During a coaching session with my coach {yes… coaches get coached!}, I bemoaned my dire situation living without water and experiencing rolling blackouts in frigid conditions.  I was heartbroken over canceling a trip to see my grandkids in Michigan.  I hadn’t taken a shower in four days!  

My coach patiently listened and then asked me what do you need right now?  I didn’t know.  I was just so angry!  She reminded me that I might need to stop resisting the anger and sit with awhile.  

It seems contrary to allow a “bad” emotion.  Aren’t we taught to pull up our big girl panties, stuff our emotions and quickly replace unwanted feelings with positivity?  

You might think there is something wrong with you and want to hide the ugly. The problem is the more you resist an emotion, the more power you give it.  

I should just get over it.

I should be able to get over it and pull up those damn big girl panties.

Friends, please don’t “should” yourself.  Feelings are apart of the human experience. 

It is actually not helpful to resist, justify or avoid the negative feelings.  Beating yourself up compounds the negativity.  You are not a bad person for experiencing a “bad” emotion.  

What you need in a funk is compassion.  Don’t be upset about being upset.  Simply think to yourself, Of course I feel….  

One of my clients was experiencing grief from the loss of her father, and anger over all the details left for her to sort through.  She had an a-ha moment when I gave her permission to grieve, and offered that of course she was angry.  Her grief may not totally go away, but she became aware of how it showed up for her, and sometimes it was with anger.  

In my situation, of course I was angry.  Busted pipes, no heat, and the isolation of being stuck inside is frustrating.  The more I tried to talk myself out of being mad, the more I actually perpetuated the anger.  

Sit with it.  

Allowing your feelings to exist takes practice, but once you get good at it you’ll be less likely to drink a bottle of Merlot to avoid the feeling.  

Caution:  I’m not talking about indulging an emotion.  Some women believe that worry is not only necessary but a badge of honor.  I’m suggesting for you to become the witness of your feelings.

A feeling is basically a vibration in your body caused by a thought.  You can become the observer of the feeling and not the reactor. 

Get curious about it.  Can you describe the feeling and where it is showing up in your body?  Does it feel like a rapid heart beat?  Is it a gut feeling?  How is your body responding to this feeling?

Instead of pushing it away, breath with it.  

What do you notice?  Can you begin to acknowledge that the feeling is harmless, simply a vibration that will eventually pass?  

Let it go.

When you identify the feeling and allowed it, you take the power away from it.  

This is a game changer.  You are no longer under the control of the unwanted emotions, but are in control of them.  

It is likely that once the feeling looses it’s power, it melts away and you will feel lighter.  

If it persists, ask yourself how do I want to feel?  

I had a thought that turned my mood around, When you argue for your misery you get to keep it.  Why was I arguing for my misery???

When my coach asked me, “What do you need?”  I needed to feel safe, cared for, assured that it was all going to work out.  Staying mad at my situation was not going to produce the feelings of peace I longed for.  I was able to look for the bright side after sitting with the anger and a proper cry. 

Giving you permission

I am the first to admit that I can be a pill.  I have irrational thoughts, stubborn beliefs and outbursts that I wish to avoid.  Becoming a life coach does not make me immune. 

Thankfully, I have learned how to accept crazy and unwanted feelings with compassion, knowing I have the tools to process them in a healthy way.    

I also acknowledge that some emotions are not an easy fix.  If you are be dealing with abuse or addiction, I highly recommend getting the help of a therapist.  

My intention is to give you permission to be human.  Feel all the feels that life has to offer.  Embrace the idea that occasionally you will feel uncomfortable and unwanted emotions.  

How could you possibly experience bliss if you didn’t also know that awful exists?  

I love helping women embrace life using the tools that I’ve learned.  If you need help working through this messy life, I’d love to chat!  Schedule a FREE session!  It is a one time Zoom call to see if hiring a life coach is a good fit for you.  Simply click the link below and pick a date/time that works for you.  

Here’s to being human and throwing away the damn big girl panties!

~Tiffany

Tiffany Eckhardt, Certified Life Coach

2 thoughts on “Why can’t you just get over it?

  1. Wise words. It takes practice. “It is what it Is” comes ro mind. This phrase irritates some folks, but I’ve learned that when I remove all the adjectives I use to describe my emotions such as “that’s good or bad or sad” then I can move on easier. Good stuff here, Tiff!

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