Tag Archives: unwanted emotions

Shed the shoulding

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Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention and certified life coach, helping midlife women answer the question, what's next

Are you shoulding yourself? 

The word should needs to go!

The word should is a verb and is the least motivating word in the English language.  Should is used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.

The word carries weight that does not motivate.

You might be shoulding if….

Anytime you think you should act in a certain way in order to be loved or worthy.  Stop it!

Here are some example thoughts you might have had.

I should be able to loose weight, if only I could just stop eating bread and sugar.   

I should like to work out.      

There is a person you’ve been avoiding that you should call.

You wake up in the morning with a list of things you should do, but none if them sound fun.  

The night before you drank a bottle of wine to take your mind off things, and the next morning think you shouldn’t have done that.  

Why you should yourself?

If you are a midlife woman like me, you have a long history of shoulding yourself.   

Your the woman they could count on for the cupcakes at your child’s school.  

You beat yourself up for not being a certain size jeans, as if your weight is the reason someone should like you.   

If you could only live up to the magazine pictures in Better Homes And Gardens!  

You feel guilt and shame when you use the verb should, implying you have no control over your actions or will.

I add a little rebellion to my feelings of guilt and shame.  I personally hate being told what to do, it’s part of my fiery personality. Can you relate?  

In any case, the word should indicates a dissatisfaction with life.  

Ask yourself why

I’ll be a little vulnerable and share a should in my life.  

I have a habit of drinking a couple of glasses of wine or old fashions in the evening.  It really isn’t bad, but I started thinking I should be able to enjoy the evening without the cocktail.  I worry excessive alcohol is affecting my wellness and productivity the next morning.  

I started thinking I should be able to quit the habit during the week.  

That should only caused me to feel ashamed and beat myself up every morning.  

When I finally got honest with myself and journaled my thoughts and feelings, I realized that the real reason I was drinking more than I wanted to was two feelings… boredom and loneliness.  I spent time exploring why I was bored and lonely, which led to even more insights into what was really going on.  

Now that I have identified reasons for my extra glass of wine, I can work on the root thoughts and feelings, and offer myself grace instead of shame.

Ask yourself why when you think you should? When asked a question, your mind will go to work to answer it.  

At the root of every should is a desire for something.  What is your heart really longing for?  

Shed the should

Midlife is time to get honest with yourself.  This is your season to shed the should!  

Start discovering what would feel zesty, juicy and rewarding.  A daily journal practice is a great way to discover what is really going on in your mind.  

Employ the word NO to requests of your time or energy. Say YES to everything that aligns with the life you want to create.  

I can help!

Do you have a long history with the word should?  Could you use a little help ditching the habit?  

My clients are rising above all kinds of midlife BS.  You can too!

It’s been my experience that hiring an objective listener identified where I’ve been shoulding myself.

As your life coach, I will help you leap over the divide from what you think you should be doing to what you want to be doing.  

Your best years begin with a healthy dose of curiosity. 

Curious about hiring a life coach?   I invite you to schedule a consultation by clicking Ask A Coach below

Here’s to shedding the should!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

Tiffany Eckhardt, Master of Reinvention and Certified Life Coach helping midlife women answer the question, "What's next?"

Minding the gap

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Mind the gap

As a midlife coach, I focus on fresh starts.  Last week I addressed the feelings of restlessness, helping you to understand your thoughts cause your feelings.  This week I’d like to chat about the distance between what you think you should do and what you are actually doing. Your fresh start hinges upon you minding the gap.

The gap is a feeling.  

The greatest gap in the world is the gap between knowing and doing.  ~John Maxwell

The results we hope for in our lives are always created by the thoughts we entertain.  The gap between knowing and doing is our feelings.  

Again, notice what the gap is not…. obstacles, or any negative circumstance.  

Awareness

According to a Harvard Business Review article, the number one reason people don’t realize their potential is that they don’t know themselves.  

The best way to get to know yourself is develop a healthy measure of curiosity, observing your thoughts and feelings.  

Begin to observe what makes you tense or relaxed.  (Hint: it is a thought you are having). 

“To be true to myself, I must know myself: what I enjoy, what I resist, what moves me.  Pleasure asks that we reacquaint ourselves with who we are.”  ~Victoria Castle. 

Map your gap

I teach my clients a weekly scheduling practice called Monday Hour One.  In the process of scheduling everything out, my clients are taught to map out fun first.  

When I first started practicing Monday Hour One, I didn’t know what I liked to do for fun.  I had to think about what brought me pleasure throughout the week.  From this awareness, I now schedule yoga, gardening and roller skating first into my week.   

Added bonus:  Over time, I realized that the more I enjoyed life, the more creativity energy flowed through me.  Feeling tense or experiencing a sense of dread is an indication that I lack necessary fun in my life.  That’s an easy fix!  I now have a list of things that will add spice to my weekly schedule.

Journal your gap

I intuitively knew from an early age that expressing my thoughts in a journal is the key to minding the gap (my feelings).  

Witnessing your thoughts on paper allows you the opportunity to make changes, respect how you feel, and stop ignoring them.  

Here are a few journal prompts that will help you start minding your gap…

What do you feel?

How do you feel right now, tense or relaxed?

Is there something that inspires you? 

Are you loyal to something?

What do you avoid?

When do you feel most alive?

I can help

I enjoy sharing what I’ve learned from my personal growth journey.  One of my freebies is Rise Above Your Own Midlife BS, a free downloadable workbook.  In this you will get to know yourself better and mind your gap (feelings).  

It’s been my experience that hiring an objective listener helped identify where I was stuck. 

As your life coach, I will help you leap over the divide from what you think you should be doing to what you want to be doing.  I lead you through the four stages of change to fully get to know yourself.  

Your best years begin with a healthy dose of curiosity. 

Curious about hiring a life coach?   I invite you to schedule a consultation by clicking Ask A Coach below

Here’s to not only minding the gap, but embracing a fresh start like the badass you are!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.  

Tiffany Eckhardt, Master of Reinvention and Certified Life Coach helping midlife women answer the question, "What's next?"

Restless?

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Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention and certified life coach helping midlife women answer the question, what's next.

Do you feel restless?

The season of midlife is often an unchartered territory.  Many of my clients are experiencing a lack of structure and/or purpose for the first time in their life.  Thoughts of uncertainty often causes you to feel restless.  

You might be restless if…..

You’ve downsized your home or retired from a career.  

The calendar is open and nothing seems predictable, when it once was overbooked.  

Restlessness may even be a form of boredom and loneliness.  

Are you restless from a major life event; such as a wellness awakening or late life divorce?  

Of course you will feel a bit unsettled when you wondering to yourself, what’s next.

Take heart!  Restless feelings are not necessarily a bad thing!  

Don’t fight restless feelings

Argue for your limitations and they are yours.  ~Richard Bach

Restlessness is an indication of change.  Instead of indulging in confusion, answer the questions your restless feelings are begging you to answer.

Do you have a gift to explore?

What dreams did you dream as a child?

What do you love about yourself?

How can you live your best life?

The big questions

My dream had always been to open an antique store.  I remember cutting out articles of Better Homes and Gardens.  I can clearly see in my mind’s eye an article with a happy shop owner sweeping the sidewalk outside her store that I cut out about twenty years ago.  

My vision became a reality in March of 2015, on a beautiful spring day.  I opened my little store in Burton, with all my favorite people surrounding me for a ribbon cutting ceremony.  It was a dream come true. 

I closed that story book chapter of my life in November of 2018.  As that season ended, I had to accept the ending and allowed myself to grieve the loss of my dream.  

This wasn’t my first rodeo.  I’ve experienced drastic changes several times in my life.  I knew it was another opportunity to embrace change.  Eventually, I was reminded how resilient I truly am.   

To move past the restless feelings associated with change, you need to answer the big questions.

What’s now?  

What’s next?  

Stop and ask yourself these two questions and notice where your mind goes?  

Surf the shift

This requires imagination.  If you don’t have it, borrow the imagination of someone you admire.  What do they believe about change?  How do they feel about this season?  How have they show up for life?

Think of imagination as a surfboard, just hop on the board and ride wave of possibilities.  

When you surf the shift, you’ll discover how resilient you are!

Find you future

In the course of reinventing my life numerous times, I have identified four stages of change that can help you navigate uncharted territory.  

What you believe you embody.  I help my clients redefine what’s possible in this season.  

I can help you rise above any BS regarding your possibilities, so you can stop wasting precious time.  

Find your future!

What are you waiting for?  Schedule a consultation today by clicking my calendar link below.  I can help you answer the big questions, what’s now and what’s next?

Here’s to shifting past restless to resilient!  Ride the wave of possibilities!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing YES in the sky!

Tiffany Eckhardt, Master of Reinvention and Certified Life Coach helping midlife women answer the question, "What's next?"

Of course you feel

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Of course your sad!

I had a fun-filled week with my daughter and grand babies, creating amazing memories!  When they boarded the airplane to return to Michigan, I couldn’t hold back the tears. Of course I was sad.

Yep, it was an ugly cry.  I didn’t fight it because I thought to myself, “of course your sad.”  Once I got into my car, I allow all the sadness to wash over me like a wave in the ocean.  It came from a place of love.  And once I let it out, I was ok to drive home.  

Do you allow your emotions or stuff them, or even worse, beat yourself up for having them?

I teach my clients to observe their emotions and respond with, “of course I feel…”

A time for every emotion

Ecclesiastes teaches us that there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the sun.  A time to weep and a time to laugh.  A time to mourn and a time to dance.  

When we loose a loved one, we actually want to feel sad.  Of course you grieve.  

Of course you feel unimaginable joy when you spend time with grand children.  

How do you know joy without sorrow? 

Have you ever just sat with an emotion?  

Unwanted emotions are apart of your journey.   In fact, you are supposed to have them.  

So, instead of freaking out and resisting the emotion, simply allow it (sit with it).  

When you are curious, you will begin to realize that they exist to teach you something.  

Conversely, when you resist emotions you create suffering.

Next time you are angry, take a pause.  Where do you feel the emotion in your body? 

Sit with your anger without judgement and you’ll notice it’s vibration in your body eventually pass. 

One day at the park, Arthur was having so much fun swinging that he wasn’t ready to move onto something else when we were.  In upset he literally threw himself on the ground.  My daughter and I walked a safe distance away and just watched.  After the initial anger left, he joined us.  Within a short time, he was laughing and enjoying himself again.  It didn’t ruin his day!

Of course you feel!

The next time you experience an unwanted emotion, say to yourself of course I feel (sad, mad, jealous, frustrated…).  Then ask yourself what’s going on?

Negative emotion highlights what you don’t want, and help you become aware of what you do want.   

Observing my grand kiddos for a week, I notice they didn’t have a problem with emotions.  In fact, they were in touch with exactly how they felt at all times.  

I can help!

I’m not suggesting that you wallow in misery.

I teach my clients how to process unwanted emotions.  

When you are willing to feel any emotion, there is nothing you can’t conquer in your life.  

In fact, you can even build new pathways to embrace discomfort and decide what you want to feel on purpose.

Often when we find ourselves wallowing, buffering with food or alcohol, worrying or procrastinating it is a sign that we are not dealing with unwanted emotions.  

Hiring me as your life coach will help you process the unwanted emotions faster and empower you to no longer dread or beat yourself up for being human.  

If this resonates with you, simply click my calendar link and pick a date/time that works for you.   This will schedule a consultation for you to discuss how coaching can help you and if I’m a right fit for you.  

Here’s to the occasional ugly cry… because it’s ok to feel sad.  

~Tiffany

Tiffany Eckhardt, Master of Reinvention and Certified Life Coach helping midlife women answer the question, "What's next?"
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