The cost of NOT restoring your cherished relationships

The cost of NOT restoring cherished relationships can take a toll on you emotionally and financially.    

As I shared in last week’s blog, during 2021 Jeff and I were seriously talking about divorce, but chose to walk through healing and learn to communicate, with the help of a couple’s coach.  

The good news is there is a happy ending to my story!  

As Johnnie Taylor’s 1973 song goes … It’s cheaper to keep her.  

I’d never sit in judgement of anyone who has divorced. It is a very personal choice, that at times may be the only option.  I personally wanted to avoid it.  I believed that what Jeff and I had was worth saving.  

The average cost of a divorce with children in Texas is at $23,500.

The fastest a couple can get a divorce in the state of Texas is 61 days.  

But we all know of couples that drug out their divorces for months, with costs soaring well above the average, not to mention the cost of separating assets and retirement. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve invested way too much in my cherished relationships to simply walk away.  

Emotional Cost is so high!  

In 2021 Jeff and I had two major grid lock issues.  Every night seemed to be another round of fighting on one of them.  It was miserable.  

Let me remind you, we looked like a cute couple on Instagram.  We hardly ever talked trash about each other to friends and family.  

Although I had no idea how I would support myself, the real cost of divorce for me would be emotional.  I felt disposable and was afraid of being lonely.  All the arguing left me feeling unlovable and hopeless.  

The questions that kept me up at night were…

How will this affect my family?  

How will we spend Christmas and holidays?

Would we both go to the birthday parties and future celebrations?

How long will I carry the sting of rejection?  Would I ever be able to trust another man?

How would I get use to NOT talking to Jeff everyday?  Who would I run my crazy ideas past?

How we restored our relationship

Since March of 2019 I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars in coaching and personal growth.  I attended two Tony Robins events, got certified in Life Coaching through the Life Coach School and hired business coaches.  

Like they say in the coaching world, I am a product of the product.  I can honestly say that this investment has changed me and gave me the ability to manage my mind. And honestly, I was doing a lot of self coaching during this time!

When divorce was thrown around like a nuclear bomb in our home, I humbly acknowledged we could not resolve this on our own.  

Hiring a couple’s coach was the most logical answer to our grid lock issues.  We learned to listen and communicate what we actually meant.  If we felt flooded in emotions, we simply stopped the conversation until we had time to process the feelings.  Jeff and I finally came to resolutions that turned our relationship around. The cost of coaching? Priceless!  

What we learned saved us from the high cost of divorce. 

This week as I relive some of the hurtful thoughts that I had to work through, I am deeply grateful that Jeff and I did not throw it all away.  I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be like if we had.  

Out of our restoration birthed a new program

I am dedicated to serving YOU in BIG ways in 2022.  I am willing to share what I experienced, in the hopes that YOU can restore your cherished relationships too!  

Monday January 17, 2022 I am launching a personalized program to walk you through restoring your cherished relationships supported by a my new program called Restore Your Cherished Relationships in 90 days.  

This program offers 5 valuable components.

Connection Calls. 

This is a weekly one on one Zoom call with me.  Every week you will have a 45 minutes with me to share your unique relationship issues.  We will work through the emotions you are experiencing and create a path forward.  This is by far the most valuable aspect of the program as you will finally feel heard.  

I have experienced the most amazing a-ha moments in my life with a coach who’s only objective was to listen to me and offer genuinely curious questions.  

Community Connections. 

You no longer need to feel isolated.  It always surprises me how convinced women are that they are alone.

I will create an online community for you to connect with women who are walking a similar journey.  This will be your chance to be encouraged by weekly group Zoom chats.  

Course Connection. 

This is where I put together journal prompts, worksheets, reading lists, podcast suggestions and more.  You will get a weekly email with all these goodies personalized for your journey.

Journaling through my emotions during this difficult time helped me get to know myself in a whole new level.  I have great prompts for you to ask yourself high quality questions.  

Constant Connection. 

You will have 24 hour access to me via email.  When you are in the heat of the moment and don’t want to wait for you connection call, you will be able to email me the issue.  I will respond to you within 24 hours… but most likely it will be sooner.  

The couple coach we hired offered this.  One night when Jeff and I were flooded with emotion she was there to walk me through it.  I will always be grateful for that!

The final component is my six week evaluation.  At this time we will evaluate your progress.  If you aren’t in love with your progress you will be offered a chance to jump ship or Course Correction.  I am confident that you will start to see hope for your relationships at this point in the program.  

Learn more!

Are you raising your hand wanting to know more?

Sweet!  Click the link below to learn more about the program.  If for some reason you still have questions… message me or schedule a chat on my Calendar.  

Due to the personalize nature of this offer I will only be able to work with 10 ladies.  So, don’t procrastinate!  

The FACEBOOK LIVE where Jeff and I shared our journey….

Here’s to restoring YOUR cherished relationships in 2022!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

What is possible

Do you know what is possible?  Who taught you? 

On December 17th 2019 I recorded a Facebook Live that showed up in my memories this week.  Watching this video reminded me that it was Mister Rogers who taught me to believe in possibilities.

Read all the way to the end to learn how committed I am to YOUR possibilities!

His influence on possibilities

Jeff and I had just went to see the long awaited movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood.  I have fond memories of watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood as a child and was looking forward to learning more about the man.  

I took for granted the role Mister Rogers had in my formative years.  He taught children that they were in control of their thoughts and feelings, and that anything is possible.  

I have always believed in my capacity of creating life on my own terms.  Maybe Mister Rogers put that thought into my head.  

In my blog article, His influence on possibilities, I wondered what I once believed possible as a child.  What did YOU believe was possible as a child?

What if you dared to dream with the innocence of a five year old, AND with the inner strength of the woman you’ve become?

Don’t give up

Mister Rogers never gave up on his personal quest to help children believe in the importance of their thoughts and feelings.  

“It would not be easy, No – for in order to win such a battle, he would have to forbid himself the privilege of stopping, and whatever he did right he would have to repeat, as though were already living in eternity.”  Tom Junod

What will YOU believe is possible for 2022 if you don’t give up? 

We are all connected

“The connections we make in the course of a life—maybe that’s what heaven is, Tom. We make so many connections here on earth. Look at us—I’ve just met you, but I’m investing in who you are and who you will be, and I can’t help it.”  Mister Rogers

I’m so glad we are connected.  I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for following my journey for the past two years.  I hope you have been inspired along the way to believe in your potential.  

If YOU are new to Flown The Coop…WELCOME! 

My heart is in serving YOU in 2022!  Like Mr. Rogers…I’m investing in who you are and who you will be, and I can’t help it.

To celebrate Christmas I am giving 10 women a copy of my journal, Four Stages of Reinvention with four free coaching sessions.  I want YOU to start 2022 believing in your possibilities.  

The first 10 women to email me their address with the subject line “I believe in possibilities” will get their copy in the mail the first week of January.  eckhardt.tiffany@gmail.com  

Here’s to truly believing in possibilities!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky

Midlife… the badass ride

Tiffany Eckhardt is crazy enough to believe her best years are ahead and wants YOU to BE crazy too!  Midlife is the badass ride.

Could midlife reflect the feeling of the badass ride captured in the 2011 Harley Davidson commercial?  It’s one of the best ads ever!

The commercial embodies the feeling of riding down the road with the wind in your hair and freedom deep in your soul.  

It could also reflect a midlife woman who no longer buys what the world is selling when it comes to her life.  She’s tired of playing it safe, following the rules and is ready for an adventure.  

This midlife woman believes that life is what she makes of it, and its time to make it one hell of a ride!  

Take a listen to the commercial…. 

So what does this midlife woman believe?

Imagine the sound of rumbling pipes and the feeling of adventure flowing through you as you read the declarations of this badass woman….

She is crazy enough to believe the best years are ahead, and that goddesses never age.

Age is just a number, and if you rest you rust.

As the magic maker for her family and community, she is ready to create some magic for herself.

This gal has FINALLY ditched the box society puts her in.

Understanding her worth, she no longer participates in the popularity contest.    

No longer the wallflower, she is ready to dance!  

Can you believe it?

Could you be this midlife woman?

What does it feel like to BE her?

Does if feel bold?  How about confident?  What about free?  

All of that is possible for you.  Can you believe it?  

This could be your year!

Are you ready to join a growing number of women who are choosing to create a world that embraces the season of midlife and beyond?  

The sky is the limit!  Does your heart race when you think of all that is possible? 

If you long to BE her, but can’t quite ditch all the baggage that you packed over the years? I can help!  

I want you to truly believe midlife is a gift, and that your best years are ahead!  

I’d love to have a chat with you!  Let’s hop on a call and find out where you are, where you want to be and how to get you there!  

It’s time to fly free!  Let’s find out what’s on the other side of the hill. Here’s to one hell of a ride!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!  

Making way for new adventures

Tiffany Eckhardt, helping you make way for new adventures in 2022

Make way for new adventures

At the time of this writing, there are only five weeks left in 2021.  Wow!  I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to put this year behind and make way for new adventures.

I’m the weirdo who delights in dreaming about the future, picking a word or a phrase for the year, creating vision boards and mind movies.  December is the month I usually focus on the next year.  

This year I’m taking a slightly different approach.  

Instead of focusing on the what (material gain or achievement), I’m figuring out the why (that which makes me feel alive).  

Will 2022 be the year you start living with purpose and make way for new adventures?

Think beyond the material 

Do you know what you want for 2022? 

The experts agree, people typically use only ten percent of their potential.  My theory is that most people don’t reach their potential because they are not in touch with what truly makes them feel alive.  

“Most of us can be found flying too close to the ground.  Too often we don’t give ourselves permission to soar.”  ~Price Pritchett

Think beyond what you want materially and dare to declare what you want to be known for.  

For example, I decided a couple years ago that I wanted to be known for uncommon energy.  That declaration paved the way for me to do far more than I once thought possible.  I never thought of myself as a public speaker, until I delivered a Veteran’s Day message in front of hundreds of people.  Turns out that it wasn’t as scary as I built it up to be in my mind.  

In the book YOU2, Price Pritchett suggests it is time to start focusing on possibilities, rather than on limits.    

Clean out

To embark on this new adventure, start by cleaning out what no longer serves you.  

It is easy to identify items that could be discarded or donated, like clothing or junk in a drawer.  So, start there. 

My favorite clothing hack:  I turn all the hangers in my closet backwards at the change of each season.  What I wear goes back into the closet facing the right direction.  What remains hanging backwards is discarded, usually donated to charity.  

The not so obvious place to explore are the habits, thoughts and emotions that no longer server you.  

While cleaning out physical items gives you a clean slate to start the year, cleaning out emotional baggage can set you free to soar beyond your wildest dreams.  

Some thoughts to break free from:  I’m too old to loose weight.  I hate hangovers, but have no power to stop my nightly habit of winding down after a long day.  The life I want is out of my league.  It is selfish to invest in myself.  Any of these thoughts ring a bell? 

Most of the thoughts I helped my clients discard in 2021 had them feeling broken, lonely and defeated for years.  

What if you could leave all that behind in 2021?

Questions are the answers

Researches have found that when posed a question, your brain automatically searches for the answer to the question.  

Interestingly, most people are programmed to think of all the reasons something won’t work.  So, dismiss those reasons and explore your inner longings for 2022 by asking yourself really good questions.  

Here are a few questions to activate your brain. 

What new things will I say yes to this year?  What am I drawn to?

Will I schedule fun into my daily life?  What do I consider fun?  

When do I feel most alive?  How do I incorporate that in my life in 2022?  

Can I identify five silly things I would like to try once?

Now try coming up with a few of your own questions.

Life is the greatest adventure 

“There is the risk you cannot afford to take, {and} there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.”  ~ Peter Drucker

What is tugging at your heart as you start to think beyond 2021?  

The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is permission to soar.  

If you want to make room for adventures, but afraid to take the risk, I can help.  I’ve been in your shoes and would love to share what I’ve learned.  I’m a great listener and can help you find what keeps you stuck.  

I invite you to schedule a chat with me.  Simply reach out and I will send you a link to my calendar.  

Here’s to starting 2022 with a clean slate and ready to embark on new adventures!  

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” In the sky!

Saying NO to notions

Midlife is a good time to reevaluate what you have thought is true about life, and possibly say no to your notions.

What is something you believed in your 30’s that you no longer believe? 

Asking for a friend

I had fun asking my friends on Facebook to share beliefs they once had in our 30’s

Here are a few that I love:

60 is old.

My jeans had to be a certain size.

It’s not possible to train for a marathon at my age.

I had to be the peace maker.

People who had a lot of money had no problems.

What are yours?

I’m convinced that we all have notions that we might be ready to ditch.

Midlife is the perfect time to break free and truly live!

What are notions that you no longer believe?

OH… and while we are asking… where the heck did these notions come from?  Who makes up the rules anyway?  

It’s so fascinating to think about, but maybe it never occurred to you to reevaluate what you believe. 

Let me encourage you to get curious about some of your notions that may need to be ditched.  

Question everything

I think everything is up for questioning. 

Do you have to be a certain size to be happy?  

What age is too old?  

Why not train to run a marathon at 50?  

Your answers could be a clue to how your second half of life will go.  

Are you ready to ditch the notions you once believed?  If you can, life has endless possibilities!  

Need help?

Some notions you no longer believe could be due to hardships and unexpected twists in the road.  Even when life does not go as planned, I’ve seen resiliency that truly inspires me.  

It is never too late to create new notions, see life with new possibilities.  

You might recognize some notions, but are not convinced you could move past them.  

I am confident that I can help you say yes to life.  It is time to discover what your notion of fun is, what matters most to you and to fall in love with life.  

Most of all I’d love to help you define life on your terms.  

I invite you to take the first step by scheduling a chat with me.  I can send you my calendar link.  It is simple to pick a date/time that works for you.  

Here’s to embracing new notions!

~Tiffany Eckhardt

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.

What the hell happened?

Tiffany Eckhardt, helping women make it through midlife without a crisis.  Instead of asking what the hell happened, she helps you answer what's next.

The Facebook post read… Have you ever stopped, looked around and say, “What the hell happened to my life?”

Several people responded… all the damn time.  

Reading between the lines, I felt a sense of resignation from the people who responded.

Gauging from the responses, a high percentage of people feel the same way.  Life has gotten off track, but is it the end of the line?

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  Albert Einstein 

Whom have you become?  

When I was a little girl I informed my mother that my name is Anna Belle Lee, and that I would not answer to anything else.  

I had endless dreams and no doubt I could be anything I wanted.  

That little girl has been knocked down a bit over the years and her dreams tarnished with past failures and disappointments.  

Yet, I still believe with my whole heart I can BE anything I want to BE.  I refuse to stop dreaming.  

What’s next?

This is your life, are you who you want to BE?

How can you tap into the possibilities that you once dreamed of as a child?

This year I have revisited the things I enjoyed in my youth, like roller skating.  It feels playful.  Solutions to life’s struggles always come when I’m relaxed and carefree.  

Instead of asking what happened, I started asking what’s next and became curious about what lights me up.

Make a list of things that you once loved and do one.  Then try another.  

Dream with the imagination of a little girl not entangled with the past, and then ask what’s next.

What is in your way?

It’s fun to dream.  So, what’s in your way?  Why aren’t you allowing yourself to dream as you once did as a child?

The gap between asking what happened and what’s next might be a fear of change.  

Do you feel resistant to change?  Why is it so scary?  

Are you afraid of disappointing yourself?  

Do you fear what’s next will be more of the same?  

Don’t be afraid to acknowledge the real questions nagging at you.  

It’s hard to have the energy to create a bright future when you are preoccupied with the fear.

Wouldn’t you rather live with the curiosity of a child?  It is possible to bridge the gap and learn to embrace change.  

Back on track  

After a lifetime of being knocked off track, you might not be convinced that creating new tracks is actually possible. 

Or, are you feeling a bit indignant and refuse to accept that life is permanently off track, but not quite sure how to get it rolling in the right direction?  

I know I can help!  

Helping women answer the question what’s next is my passion and purpose. 

If YOU want to create a brighter future, reach out to me!  I will send you my calendar link to schedule a chat.  

Here’s to honoring dreams and the grit to create a fabulous life forward!

~Tiffany {aka Anna Belle Lee}

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

Sober October

Tiffany Eckhardt shares her experience with Sober October, a journey of self discovery.

No one challenged me to Sober October.  

I thought I made it up, until my son told me that comedians do Sober October every year to prove they aren’t alcoholics.  

I really enjoy a good glass of wine, especially at my favorite winery Busted Oaks Cellars, and love mixing an old fashion as much as I love making my morning pour over coffee.  

For me, Sober October isn’t about giving up these simple pleasures in life permanently.

Why Sober October?

I am not an alcoholic.  I don’t wake up in the morning thinking about getting drunk, but I habitually have a couple glasses of wine or an old fashion at the end of each day.  

If it’s not a problem, why would I do this? 

The past few months I’ve wondered if my alcohol consumption had something to do with my weight fluctuations and saw Sober October as a journey of self discovery.  

What could learn about myself if I was sober for a month? 

It was a big experiment for me.

What did I learn?

After a few awkward social situations, I decided I was not required to explain myself.  When asked why I was committed to Sober October, I just replied that I wanted to see what I was capable of.  

Turns out I can have fun without being tipsy.  

Most importantly, I learned that I can handle very uncomfortable emotions without the crutch of alcohol.  I don’t need to reach for a cocktail to relax, forget the day or cover up loneliness and sadness.  

I don’t give up.  Trust me, I had a very difficult past two weeks.  I could have easily given up.  

Best part… I lost 7 pounds and an inch from my waist and hips.  Yes, alcohol has some affect on my weight fluctuations.  

What now?

The point of Sober October was not to eliminate alcohol.  Let’s be honest.  It was never about the alcohol.  

This month gave me evidence that I am capable of way more than I give myself credit for.  

I am disciplined and now have the confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to do.  

I am so proud of myself.  THAT IS PRICELESS!!!

What would you like to learn about yourself?  

You may not have a desire to take a break with alcohol, but I’m willing to bet that you have one area of your life you would like to get a handle on.  

Do you want to go on a journey of self discovery to learn what you are capable of? 

What would life be like if you didn’t struggle with that one thing?

I invite you to schedule a chat with me.  I am confident that I can help you stop wasting time with habitual struggles and help you see that you are capable of more than you imagine.  

When you are ready, let’s chat!

Here’s to learning what you are capable of!

~Tiffany

And the birds flutter around her writing “YES” in the sky

Who are you if you ditch the titles?

Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention helping woman rise above their midlife BS

Ditch the titles

When asked to introduce yourself, do you feel the need to recite an well rehearsed elevator speach?  Midlife seems to be the perfect season to ditch the titles.  However, deciding on an introduction that really captures who you’ve become is not that easy.  

Here’s how I’d like to introduce myself:

Hi I’m Tiffany.  I like to think I have a sparkle and a great smile, and am most found of my indomitable spirit and fierce independence.  My heart swells when my grandkids giggle, reminding me to lighten up and enjoy life.  I have a gift of hospitality and enjoy creating beautiful spaces, both in my home and garden.  Preferring a natural lifestyle, I am curious about how nature provides for us.  Currently I am creating journals for women to rise above the BS, navigate change and live extraordinary lives.  

I haven’t muster the courage to use a lengthy explanation of who I am.  People expect to hear what I DO, not an explanation of WHO I am, especially when it sounds like bragging about all the qualities I like about myself.  

The Titles

It’s so much easier to use titles that are commonly recognized in introductions, which reasonably define you, until they don’t.  

What actually defines you when you’ve retired your well rehearsed elevator speech?  It sucks to feel unsure of your identity as you enter an uncharted season of life.  

Instead of seeing it as a predicament, you could view it as a great opportunity to create the title you want and really learn who you are.  

What’s your essence?

Society loves labels and titles to categorize people.  Have you noticed?  

Many of my clients are just getting to know themselves after a lifetime of service to others. They are tapping into buried interests and passions, and discovering their essence as they  redefine their life.  

Wouldn’t it feel radical to ditch the titles and lead with what makes you unique?  Try it. I am…

Ask the right questions!

You may be wondering who am I now that I am free from my titles?  

Well, start by identifying what you believe about yourself.  What are you proud of?  Would you change anything?  If so, forgive yourself and let it go.  Are there features of yourself you love?  What are your gifts?  What makes you feel alive?  

Are there new skills you’d like to develop or natural talents you could explore? What do you consider fun?  

I don’t pretend to have the answers

I’m a work in progress.  {Maybe that could be how I introduce myself}

I believe this work is vital and necessary to break free from attachments to the past.  It liberates you to blossom into the woman you long to BE.  

This is your season to sparkle.  Only you can answer the question of who you are and who you will become.

I can help

I’d love to help you sort through all the questions that will lead you to discovering your perfect introduction.  

I offer a FREE guide, Rise Above Your Own Midlife BS.  This guide will help you ask the right questions, identify who you want to be and stop sabotaging your best made goals for the future.

My Four Stages  Of Reinvention Journal is available on Amazon.  It sucks that change never gets easier.  Journaling is a powerful tool in connecting to your thoughts and creating a map forward.  Learning the Four Stages Of Reinvention will help you discover what phase of change your are in and build a road map for your future.  Once you’ve mastered the four stages, you’ll never waste time fighting change again.

If you are in any stage of reinvention or change, I invite you to take advantage of a free consult call by simply visiting my calendar and picking a date/time that works for you.  This will give you an opportunity to discover what midlife coaching is all about and if it’s a good fit for you.  

Ditch the titles challenge

I’d love to get to know you, not your titles.  I challenge you to craft an introduction free of common titles and send me what you come up with.  It will be fun to see how creative y’all are!  

Here’s to becoming who we are, not what we do!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky

Got GRIT? Three Steps To Build GRIT

 

Got Grit? Tiffany Eckhardt shares the importance of choosing your feelings

Got Grit?  Yes, of course I Got Grit!

I like to think I possess a “never give up” attitude.  Yet, there are times when I bailed on my dream, have not persevered or had the passion to see a project through to the end.  I believe that I have the power to choose grit and can cultivate it.  In fact, I have the power to get back up from a failure and reinvent myself.  I have a lifetime of proof.

Let me share with you how to build GRIT!

Did you know you can choose your feelings?  

Let me share a concept that I’ve recently learned.

The human experience is a balance of the positive and the negative.   Accepting this fact allows for the negative without adding to it.  Time spent avoiding negative emotions and experiences, limits access to the power some negative emotions carry.  

For example, courage is an honorable trait that propels us to do hard things, but is an uncomfortable emotion.  The definition of Courage is – mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.  Wouldn’t it be great to be courageous in the face of obstacles without enduring fear or perseverance?  

Grit is failing forward

I have been talking about failing forward the past few weeks in an attempt to make failure more acceptable.  Failure is the uncomfortable balance to success and a necessary step in growth.  No one wants to choose failure.  Accepting it as a part of the success experience prevents adding shame, embarrassment, inadequacy, etc. to the experience.  

Once this concept is understood,  the choice is yours.  Will you intentionally think thoughts that produce the feelings required to succeed in life?  It’s worth noting that some emotions are simply negative indulgent emotions that keep us from success.  Choosing confusion, doubt or worry never moves the needle.  Choosing to walk through fear toward success is productive.  Choosing overwhelm in the face of fear keeps you stuck.  Do you see the difference?

I choose GRIT…

I have decided to become the person of my dreams.  Oh my!  2020 is going to be EPIC!  First of all, I turn 50 in March.  I don’t hate turning 50 years young.  It’s time to buckle down and do the things I’ve always dreamed of doing and being.

I made a list of emotions that I want to cultivate.  I want to be tenacious, capable, genuine, authentic, connected and creative.  

When I made the list of traits I think are important for my success, I realized that most of them have a negative connotation to them.  I want to be tenacious.  Well, that requires me to do something bold.  I want to feel capable.  Can’t feel capable sitting on the couch.  I want to be genuine and authentic, but desperately want to fit in.  I want to feel connected, but often find myself not inviting someone to coffee.  Being creative, a truly positive emotion, is my happy place.  

Recently I added gritty to my list of traits I want to be.  In fact, I am starting to see that GRIT needs to be my word for 2020.  I believe grit allows me to stay committed to the uncomfortable feelings necessary for success.  Being gritty means that I will have both passion and perseverance.

What is grit?

Grit as defined by Angela Duckworth is the power of passion and perseverance. 

“Our potential is one thing, what we do with it is another.” ~Angela Duckworth

Angela has spent her life studying grit.  You can read more about her journey in her book GRIT The Power of Passion and Perseverance or find her TedTalk on YouTube.  In her Preface she writes, “I won’t just have a job; I’ll have a calling.  I’ll challenge myself every day.  When I get knocked down, I’ll get back up.  I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I’ll strive to be the grittiest.”   

Wow!  Angela personifies grit!  The willingness to get back up from a blow, to work harder, to face fear, to embrace a calling… you get the idea.  Fail forward.  

Will Smith explains grit this way,

“The only thing that I see is distinctly different about me is: I’m not afraid to die on the treadmill.   I will not be outworked, period.  You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me.  You might be all those things.  You got it on me in nine categories.  But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things:  You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die.  It’s really that simple.”

Angela breaks grit down two factors, passion and perseverance.  “Grit is about working on something you care about so much you’re willing to stay loyal to it.”  There are no shortcuts.  It’s about falling in love with what you do and staying in love with it.  

Train your mind for grit

Three steps to build GRIT… choose your feelings

Can you see yourself choosing grit?  It is very similar to choosing to fail forward.    

I’m not suggesting that everyone should choose grit.

I am suggesting that being intentional about how you want to show up in life is crucial to your results.  I am offering that you have the power to choose.  

Start by deciding the feelings you want to foster and becoming self aware.

1.Choose the positive feelings and the negative feelings necessary to succeed in what ever you set your heart.  

2. Keep a log of the thoughts that generate those feelings.  There is always a thought that produces the feeling.  It is also beneficial to document the thoughts that keep you in a negative indulgent emotion like confusion, worry, or anxiety.  

Here is an example of mine:

Positive Feelings

  • Abundant
  • Connected
  • Loved
  • Focused
  • Determined

Negative Feelings

  • Courageous
  • Tenacious
  • Bold
  • Fear
  • Grit

3. Journal your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis.  Are the feelings wanted, necessary or unwanted?  What thoughts produce those feelings?  Are there areas in your life that you can choose to think differently about?  Try on new thoughts.  How does the new thoughts make you feel?  This simple activity will open up so much insight!

What do you choose?

Let me encourage you to become the person of your dreams.  You may not choose grit, but you have the power to be gritty in choosing the feelings that will produce the life you always wanted!  

I am excited to bring you along on my journey!  Becoming a certified life coach is the most rewarding work I’ve done!  I’d love to help you take hold of the thoughts, to help you decide what is servicing you.  Schedule a FREE consultation to see if I’m a right fit for your journey!  It really does help to talk through the thoughts that produce the feelings, that cause action and give results in your life!  

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

He was right the whole time. An epiphany about habits

Quote

This is a common occurrence in the Eckhardt home.  Jeff will communicate a thought he thinks will help me.  He is dumbfounded when I share the same thought as an epiphany I learned from a podcast or a book.  Why did I have to hear it from someone else?  He was right the whole time.

Today I had a similar moment with God

Tiffany Eckhardt, owner of Flown The Coop, discovers a paradigm shift reading Atomic Habits, by James Clear

I am a journaler.  I write out all my feelings to determine what I think about them.  God has been whispering the word “BE”  to me for a long time.  It didn’t register until today.

Road to an epiphany

I have created a wonderful habit of listening to podcasts as I get ready for the day.  If you haven’t already, check out my 5 Podcasts To Finish 2018 Strong article.

My habit has introduced me to wonderful Influencers.   I am currently enjoying the #Last90Days challenge with Dave and Rachel Hollis.  I tune into their daily FB live for inspiration.  Their Five To Thrive has really propelled me into some great foundational habits.

I’m seeing a reoccurring topic arise throughout the podcast world.  Everyone seems to be talking about habits.

I am currently listening to The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do on Audible.  This is a book Rachel Hollis recommended the first week of the #Last90Days challenge.  Wow! The study of habits is fascinating.  The same week I started to listen The Power of Habit I heard an interview on Lewis Howes’ podcast with James Clear. James just wrote the book Atomic Habits.  Blew. My. Mind.  I highly recommend listening to this podcast!

The road to an epiphany led me to a Habits.

I am a reader

My copy of Atomic Habits arrived in the mail yesterday.  Ironically, I am creating a new reading habit at night.  (I am a reader)  I devoured the first three chapters, underlining and wiring comments on several key ideas.  Here are a few of my favorites:

  • A habit is a routine or behavior that is performed regularly – and, in many cases, automatically.
  • the quality of our lives depend on the quality of our habits
  • Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement
  • Success is the product of daily habits – not once-in-a-lifetime transformations
  • You don’t rise to the level of your goals.  You fall to the level of your systems
  • an atomic habit refers to a tiny change, a marginal gain, a 1 percent improvement
  • atomic habits are the building blocks of remarkable results
  • there is a difference between outcome based habits and identity habits
  • It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led you to your past behavior
  • The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity… when your behavior and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer pursuing a behavior change.  You are simply acting like the person you already believe yourself to be.
  • The focus should always be on becoming that type of person, not getting a particular outcome

Wow!  A paradigm shift!  I had to let all of these ideas sink in.  What stood out to me is that I didn’t truly believe I could be the person who accomplished dreams.  I didn’t believe I could BE successful or healthy (skinny).  I didn’t even believe I could BE a nice person.  UUGH!

He was right the whole time

This morning God whispered to me again, “Be.”  Turns out he was right the whole time.  God was leading me to focus on who I wanted to BE.  He is interested in leading me to my true identity.  Why didn’t I hear him from the beginning?  I was focused on outcomes. I didn’t have faith in the journey!

Now what?

I will focus on small changes over time.  My goal is to become the best version of myself.

The question becomes, “Who do I want to BE?”

  • I am a christian (true identity). I am loving and loyal to my family and friends.
  • I am a healthy person who is committed to daily exercise, drinking water, and eating well (I am skinny). 😉
  • I am a natural networker.  I love connecting people and helping them realize their dreams!
  • I am a leader who uplifts her team to the best version of themselves.
  • I am a reader… love to learn!
  • I am patient… becoming the best version of myself takes time.  🙂

This epiphany might only be for my benefit.

He was right the whole time.  I don’t think God is upset that I didn’t hear “BE” the first time.  I think he knew I needed to take this road to an epiphany.  Tiny habits over time compounds into the person I want to become!  I am thankful for this lesson.

I am humbly grateful if this resinates with you!  Let me encourage you!  Decide the person you want to BE and create habits that serve that person.

I’d love to hear from you!  Get a copy of the book Atomic Habits.  Let’s share what we learn with each other!  Let’s believe in who we can BE!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!