What does reinvention mean to you? Could it simply mean change?
The only constant in life is change. ~Heraclitus
Generation X, those born between 1965 and 1980, are also called the lost generation. If you are a GenXer, you work hard, are loyal and follow the expected course. You might not understand the millennials work ethics because your approach to change is very calculated.
Midlife, the central period of life, is full of heartbreaking change that many are not prepared for. I’d like to propose that it is an exciting time of reinvention, a time to get lost on a path that you’ve always dreamed of taking. A time to fly free!
How will you show up for change?
After I graduated high school, I enlisted in the AirForce. I had little direction in my life, and thought it would be an adventure. My high school career was rocky, I never felt like I fit in with any one group. When I got to tech school, I felt freedom to be anyone I wanted. So, I walked into our community room with a newfound confidence and proclaimed, “I am going to the movies, would anyone like to go with me?”
Jeff took me up on that offer… and the rest is history.
I want you to envision the season of midlife the same way I did as an Airman out of basic training. You’ve followed the predictable path and now you are entering a new room, or season of life. How do you want to show up?
Do you feel lost?
As a member of the lost generation, do you feel unprepared for this season of your life?
It sucks that change never seems to get easier.
As a self proclaimed master of reinvention, I have changed course numerous times in my lifetime. That doesn’t mean that I became a totally different person, but that I simply tried a different approach to life.
Looking back through my journals, I discovered there were predictable stages that I went through with each change.
The Four Stages of Reinvention
That is why I wrote the journal, The Four Stages of Reinvention. Here’s a little video I created to explain the journal…
Join me
This Wednesday, March 16th at 1pm CST I will offer a class on The Four Stages of Reinvention. I’d love for you to join me!
This class will be a zoom call with like minded women who feel a little unprepared for this season of life. I will walk you through the 4 stages and offer a few journal prompts and practices along the way.
It’s a free class!
To join the class, REGISTER HERE. Once you register, you will be given a zoom link for the class.
Here’s to flying free into the next season of life with confidence!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!
This week I was prompted to question how much I believe in my dreams while listening to the podcast episode How To Believe Harder on Life Coach School podcast by Brooke Castillo. So, let me ask you, how much do you believe in your dreams?
What are your dreams?
First things first, what are your dreams? I repeatedly meet with midlife women who are not sure of what they want, some can’t even tell you what they like to do for fun.
If your go-to response is “I don’t know,” you might feel a little lost and restless.
On the other hand, you could view this quandary as an exciting time of self discovery! It’s time to get to know yourself.
As a self proclaimed master of reinvention, I’ve experienced several personal and career changes. Because it sucks that change never gets easier, I wrote The Four Stages of Reinvention as a tool for those of you who are in the process of defining your dreams for this next season. I’d love to send you a copy, or you can order it on Amazon.
The measure of belief
“If someone is looking at you from the outside, can they tell how much you believe in your dreams?” Brooke Castillo
Growing up I had little girl dream of a fancy wedding. I regularly tried on my Mom’s wedding dress as I developed the dream. The 19 year old version of me allowed that dream to die out of an abundance of insecurities. I spent years regretting the hasty wedding Jeff and I had. When we celebrated our 25th Anniversary, I planned a story book vow renewal in New Orleans that included a second line jazz band escorting our party through the French Quarter. As my friends and I marched through streets of New Orleans, one friend commented that it checked off a bucket list item for her. That day was perfect.
The difference between me as a young girl of 19 and the woman I became at 44 was that I believed my special day was possible and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer!
Once you have a clear dream, the measure of belief in that dream is action. If for instance your dream is to open an Airbnb, does your circle of friends know about your dream? Have you spent time evaluating property, securing financing, talking to other Airbnb owners, etc.? Do you believe it’s possible?
Obstacles
How would you describe where you are in relation to your dreams?
Congratulations if you completely believe in your dreams and are taking action. You will tackle any obstacle in your way with your confidence.
On the other hand, please don’t be surprised by any resistance you feel if you don’t have confidence just yet. Taking steps to bridge the divide between where you are and where you’d like to be can cause confusion and indecision.
The dream could be to loose weight, to start a business, to repair relationships, to downsize your home for a simpler life… the thing that all dreams have in common are obstacles.
Crossing the divide
Defining potential obstacles is just as important as having clarity about your dreams. You can use the perceived obstacles to establish strategies to cross the divide.
Stop waisting precious time in indecision and confusion.
You don’t have to feel lost or restless. If you are interested in clarifying your dreams, obstacles and creating strategies forward, simply schedule a consultation.
It is my intention for you to believe YOUR best years are ahead!
Here’s to YOUR next season and realizing the dreams of your heart!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky
If you, or someone you love, is considering downsizing an empty nest, let me offer you some tips to navigate the journey.
According to the Free Dictionary, downsizing is to live in a simpler way, especially by moving into a smaller residence. Other definitions pertain to a company reducing its size of personnel, which explains why the word feels so negative or even downgrading.
While downsizing makes sense financially, it can feel like loosing a loved one for women who spend their lives creating spaces for their families to grow and be. A house has walls, a home has a soul.
The walls of a home witness the life of a family and preserve memories, and is the creative expression for the woman in a season well defined. The thought of moving on to a new season in a new home evokes emotions of grief, fear of the unknown and uncertainty of identity.
Are you currently downsizing?
If I have just described you, here are a few tips to help navigate the journey.
Allow yourself to grieve. Please don’t minimize your feelings or put on a brave front. That is not helpful. If you feel the need to cry, cry! You will realize that emotions loose their hold on you when you allow them.
Allow yourself to dream of the future. You can dream even when grief comes in waves. Becoming future focused is vital. Make a list of 25 new things you’ve always wanted to try, then set a date to make one of them happen.
Find someone to talk to. More than likely you have someone in your circle of friends who has already experienced a downsize. Or even better, schedule a consult with me! I’ve helped several women process their feelings and create a path forward.
Downsizing care basket
If you have a friend who is currently in the process of packing up their memories for a simpler life, why not create a care basket for them as a show of support?
I wondered what my friends on Facebook would include in a downsizing care basket. Here are the wonderful suggestions….
Lots of tissues
Movie passes
Gift cards to restaurants
List of things to do within 50 miles
Places looking for volunteers
Wine – or as Jeff suggests a wine membership
Journal
Thank you card for the years they raised their family
A list of podcasts
Walking shoes
Flower seeds
Hummingbird feeder
Something funny – laughter is good medicine!
Best years ahead
What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet. ~Anne Frank
As always, my intention is to help you see that your best years are ahead! I understand that in order to create your ideal days ahead, you may need to first walk through the real emotions associated with what is left behind.
I also want you to know you are supported. I’ve personally navigated a downsize several times in the last fifteen years, even a move from Ohio where all my family and friends were. If you need help seeing a way forward, please schedule a consult with me. You can definitely move past the emotions and create an exciting future.
I’d love to hear your story. Please leave comments where ever you find this article as a way to show support for those who are just starting their journey.
Here’s to creating new spaces to hold our precious memories!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky
What sucks is that in order to develop resiliency, you must first work through resistance, acceptance and grief.
Each time I walk through the stages I become a better version of myself and am in awe of my ability to bounce back.
Empowerment is possible
It can be hard to move forward if you feel powerless.
You may feel lonely in your empty nest.
You may not see what’s next for your life.
Do you regularly think, “I don’t know?”
What if you did know? I promise there is hope for your circumstances.
As I have shared in the past two blogs, Jeff and I spent time in 2020 working on our relationship. I know what is like to feel disposable, unheard, sad, lonely and in despair. It didn’t look good. I was making the whole scenario mean I was unloveable.
At times I felt powerless over my feelings, but looking back I am astounded that we were able to find healing and restore our relationship. Our relationship is resilient with new communication skills and a better understanding of each other. And that is empowering.
How resilient are you?
On a scale from 1 – 10 {10 being a rock star at resilience}, how resilient are you?
Why did you choose that number?
Why are some of us better at resiliency than others?
Don’t waste time in resistance.
Research has shown that how you define yourself matters. Resistance is usually due to what a person is making the circumstance mean about themselves.
I work with women all the time who long to feel in control of their life. I’ve helped women process grief, take back their time, learn to ask for what they want in relationships and discover their next steps forward. They experience resilience once they reframe what their circumstances mean about themselves.
It’s your time to discover what’s next, on the other side of resistance. It’s time to be pleasantly surprised by what you learn about yourself.
You will feel amazing once you learn how resilient you really are.
I invite you to schedule a chat with me. We can brainstorm ideas for you to discover YOUR resiliency. Click here to pick a date/ time that works for you.
Here’s to a year of discovering the power of resiliency.
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.
The cost of NOT restoring cherished relationships can take a toll on you emotionally and financially.
As I shared in last week’s blog, during 2021 Jeff and I were seriously talking about divorce, but chose to walk through healing and learn to communicate, with the help of a couple’s coach.
The good news is there is a happy ending to my story!
As Johnnie Taylor’s 1973 song goes … It’s cheaper to keep her.
I’d never sit in judgement of anyone who has divorced. It is a very personal choice, that at times may be the only option. I personally wanted to avoid it. I believed that what Jeff and I had was worth saving.
The average cost of a divorce with children in Texas is at $23,500.
The fastest a couple can get a divorce in the state of Texas is 61 days.
But we all know of couples that drug out their divorces for months, with costs soaring well above the average, not to mention the cost of separating assets and retirement.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve invested way too much in my cherished relationships to simply walk away.
Emotional Cost is so high!
In 2021 Jeff and I had two major grid lock issues. Every night seemed to be another round of fighting on one of them. It was miserable.
Let me remind you, we looked like a cute couple on Instagram. We hardly ever talked trash about each other to friends and family.
Although I had no idea how I would support myself, the real cost of divorce for me would be emotional. I felt disposable and was afraid of being lonely. All the arguing left me feeling unlovable and hopeless.
The questions that kept me up at night were…
How will this affect my family?
How will we spend Christmas and holidays?
Would we both go to the birthday parties and future celebrations?
How long will I carry the sting of rejection? Would I ever be able to trust another man?
How would I get use to NOT talking to Jeff everyday? Who would I run my crazy ideas past?
How we restored our relationship
Since March of 2019 I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars in coaching and personal growth. I attended two Tony Robins events, got certified in Life Coaching through the Life Coach School and hired business coaches.
Like they say in the coaching world, I am a product of the product. I can honestly say that this investment has changed me and gave me the ability to manage my mind. And honestly, I was doing a lot of self coaching during this time!
When divorce was thrown around like a nuclear bomb in our home, I humbly acknowledged we could not resolve this on our own.
Hiring a couple’s coach was the most logical answer to our grid lock issues. We learned to listen and communicate what we actually meant. If we felt flooded in emotions, we simply stopped the conversation until we had time to process the feelings. Jeff and I finally came to resolutions that turned our relationship around. The cost of coaching? Priceless!
What we learned saved us from the high cost of divorce.
This week as I relive some of the hurtful thoughts that I had to work through, I am deeply grateful that Jeff and I did not throw it all away. I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be like if we had.
Out of our restoration birthed a new program
I am dedicated to serving YOU in BIG ways in 2022. I am willing to share what I experienced, in the hopes that YOU can restore your cherished relationships too!
Monday January 17, 2022 I am launching a personalized program to walk you through restoring your cherished relationships supported by a my new program called Restore Your Cherished Relationships in 90 days.
This program offers 5 valuable components.
Connection Calls.
This is a weekly one on one Zoom call with me. Every week you will have a 45 minutes with me to share your unique relationship issues. We will work through the emotions you are experiencing and create a path forward. This is by far the most valuable aspect of the program as you will finally feel heard.
I have experienced the most amazing a-ha moments in my life with a coach who’s only objective was to listen to me and offer genuinely curious questions.
Community Connections.
You no longer need to feel isolated. It always surprises me how convinced women are that they are alone.
I will create an online community for you to connect with women who are walking a similar journey. This will be your chance to be encouraged by weekly group Zoom chats.
Course Connection.
This is where I put together journal prompts, worksheets, reading lists, podcast suggestions and more. You will get a weekly email with all these goodies personalized for your journey.
Journaling through my emotions during this difficult time helped me get to know myself in a whole new level. I have great prompts for you to ask yourself high quality questions.
Constant Connection.
You will have 24 hour access to me via email. When you are in the heat of the moment and don’t want to wait for you connection call, you will be able to email me the issue. I will respond to you within 24 hours… but most likely it will be sooner.
The couple coach we hired offered this. One night when Jeff and I were flooded with emotion she was there to walk me through it. I will always be grateful for that!
The final component is my six week evaluation. At this time we will evaluate your progress. If you aren’t in love with your progress you will be offered a chance to jump ship or Course Correction. I am confident that you will start to see hope for your relationships at this point in the program.
Learn more!
Are you raising your hand wanting to know more?
Sweet! Click the link below to learn more about the program. If for some reason you still have questions… message me or schedule a chat on my Calendar.
Due to the personalize nature of this offer I will only be able to work with 10 ladies. So, don’t procrastinate!
The FACEBOOK LIVE where Jeff and I shared our journey….
Here’s to restoring YOUR cherished relationships in 2022!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!
The commercial embodies the feeling of riding down the road with the wind in your hair and freedom deep in your soul.
It could also reflect a midlife woman who no longer buys what the world is selling when it comes to her life. She’s tired of playing it safe, following the rules and is ready for an adventure.
This midlife woman believes that life is what she makes of it, and its time to make it one hell of a ride!
Take a listen to the commercial….
So what does this midlife woman believe?
Imagine the sound of rumbling pipes and the feeling of adventure flowing through you as you read the declarations of this badass woman….
She is crazy enough to believe the best years are ahead, and that goddesses never age.
At the time of this writing, there are only five weeks left in 2021. Wow! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to put this year behind and make way for new adventures.
I’m the weirdo who delights in dreaming about the future, picking a word or a phrase for the year, creating vision boards and mind movies. December is the month I usually focus on the next year.
This year I’m taking a slightly different approach.
Instead of focusing on the what (material gain or achievement), I’m figuring out the why (that which makes me feel alive).
Will 2022 be the year you start living with purpose and make way for new adventures?
Think beyond the material
Do you know what you want for 2022?
The experts agree, people typically use only ten percent of their potential. My theory is that most people don’t reach their potential because they are not in touch with what truly makes them feel alive.
“Most of us can be found flying too close to the ground. Too often we don’t give ourselves permission to soar.” ~Price Pritchett
Think beyond what you want materially and dare to declare what you want to be known for.
For example, I decided a couple years ago that I wanted to be known for uncommon energy. That declaration paved the way for me to do far more than I once thought possible. I never thought of myself as a public speaker, until I delivered a Veteran’s Day message in front of hundreds of people. Turns out that it wasn’t as scary as I built it up to be in my mind.
In the book YOU2, Price Pritchett suggests it is time to start focusing on possibilities, rather than on limits.
Clean out
To embark on this new adventure, start by cleaning out what no longer serves you.
It is easy to identify items that could be discarded or donated, like clothing or junk in a drawer. So, start there.
My favorite clothing hack: I turn all the hangers in my closet backwards at the change of each season. What I wear goes back into the closet facing the right direction. What remains hanging backwards is discarded, usually donated to charity.
The not so obvious place to explore are the habits, thoughts and emotions that no longer server you.
While cleaning out physical items gives you a clean slate to start the year, cleaning out emotional baggage can set you free to soar beyond your wildest dreams.
Some thoughts to break free from: I’m too old to loose weight. I hate hangovers, but have no power to stop my nightly habit of winding down after a long day. The life I want is out of my league. It is selfish to invest in myself. Any of these thoughts ring a bell?
Most of the thoughts I helped my clients discard in 2021 had them feeling broken, lonely and defeated for years.
What if you could leave all that behind in 2021?
Questions are the answers
Researches have found that when posed a question, your brain automatically searches for the answer to the question.
Interestingly, most people are programmed to think of all the reasons something won’t work. So, dismiss those reasons and explore your inner longings for 2022 by asking yourself really good questions.
Here are a few questions to activate your brain.
What new things will I say yes to this year? What am I drawn to?
Will I schedule fun into my daily life? What do I consider fun?
When do I feel most alive? How do I incorporate that in my life in 2022?
Can I identify five silly things I would like to try once?
Now try coming up with a few of your own questions.
Life is the greatest adventure
“There is the risk you cannot afford to take, {and} there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.” ~ Peter Drucker
What is tugging at your heart as you start to think beyond 2021?
The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is permission to soar.
If you want to make room for adventures, but afraid to take the risk, I can help. I’ve been in your shoes and would love to share what I’ve learned. I’m a great listener and can help you find what keeps you stuck.
I invite you to schedule a chat with me. Simply reach out and I will send you a link to my calendar.
Here’s to starting 2022 with a clean slate and ready to embark on new adventures!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” In the sky!
Midlife is a good time to reevaluate what you have thought is true about life, and possibly say no to your notions.
What is something you believed in your 30’s that you no longer believe?
Asking for a friend
I had fun asking my friends on Facebook to share beliefs they once had in our 30’s
Here are a few that I love:
60 is old.
My jeans had to be a certain size.
It’s not possible to train for a marathon at my age.
I had to be the peace maker.
People who had a lot of money had no problems.
What are yours?
I’m convinced that we all have notions that we might be ready to ditch.
Midlife is the perfect time to break free and truly live!
What are notions that you no longer believe?
OH… and while we are asking… where the heck did these notions come from? Who makes up the rules anyway?
It’s so fascinating to think about, but maybe it never occurred to you to reevaluate what you believe.
Let me encourage you to get curious about some of your notions that may need to be ditched.
Question everything
I think everything is up for questioning.
Do you have to be a certain size to be happy?
What age is too old?
Why not train to run a marathon at 50?
Your answers could be a clue to how your second half of life will go.
Are you ready to ditch the notions you once believed? If you can, life has endless possibilities!
Need help?
Some notions you no longer believe could be due to hardships and unexpected twists in the road. Even when life does not go as planned, I’ve seen resiliency that truly inspires me.
It is never too late to create new notions, see life with new possibilities.
You might recognize some notions, but are not convinced you could move past them.
I am confident that I can help you say yes to life. It is time to discover what your notion of fun is, what matters most to you and to fall in love with life.
Most of all I’d love to help you define life on your terms.
I invite you to take the first step by scheduling a chat with me. I can send you my calendar link. It is simple to pick a date/time that works for you.
Here’s to embracing new notions!
~Tiffany Eckhardt
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.
I thought I made it up, until my son told me that comedians do Sober October every year to prove they aren’t alcoholics.
I really enjoy a good glass of wine, especially at my favorite winery Busted Oaks Cellars, and love mixing an old fashion as much as I love making my morning pour over coffee.
For me, Sober October isn’t about giving up these simple pleasures in life permanently.
Why Sober October?
I am not an alcoholic. I don’t wake up in the morning thinking about getting drunk, but I habitually have a couple glasses of wine or an old fashion at the end of each day.
If it’s not a problem, why would I do this?
The past few months I’ve wondered if my alcohol consumption had something to do with my weight fluctuations and saw Sober October as a journey of self discovery.
What could learn about myself if I was sober for a month?
It was a big experiment for me.
What did I learn?
After a few awkward social situations, I decided I was not required to explain myself. When asked why I was committed to Sober October, I just replied that I wanted to see what I was capable of.
Turns out I can have fun without being tipsy.
Most importantly, I learned that I can handle very uncomfortable emotions without the crutch of alcohol. I don’t need to reach for a cocktail to relax, forget the day or cover up loneliness and sadness.
I don’t give up. Trust me, I had a very difficult past two weeks. I could have easily given up.
Best part… I lost 7 pounds and an inch from my waist and hips. Yes, alcohol has some affect on my weight fluctuations.
What now?
The point of Sober October was not to eliminate alcohol. Let’s be honest. It was never about the alcohol.
This month gave me evidence that I am capable of way more than I give myself credit for.
I am disciplined and now have the confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to do.
I am so proud of myself. THAT IS PRICELESS!!!
What would you like to learn about yourself?
You may not have a desire to take a break with alcohol, but I’m willing to bet that you have one area of your life you would like to get a handle on.
Do you want to go on a journey of self discovery to learn what you are capable of?
What would life be like if you didn’t struggle with that one thing?
I invite you to schedule a chat with me. I am confident that I can help you stop wasting time with habitual struggles and help you see that you are capable of more than you imagine.
When asked to introduce yourself, do you feel the need to recite an well rehearsed elevator speach? Midlife seems to be the perfect season to ditch the titles. However, deciding on an introduction that really captures who you’ve become is not that easy.
Here’s how I’d like to introduce myself:
Hi I’m Tiffany. I like to think I have a sparkle and a great smile, and am most found of my indomitable spirit and fierce independence. My heart swells when my grandkids giggle, reminding me to lighten up and enjoy life. I have a gift of hospitality and enjoy creating beautiful spaces, both in my home and garden. Preferring a natural lifestyle, I am curious about how nature provides for us. Currently I am creating journals for women to rise above the BS, navigate change and live extraordinary lives.
I haven’t muster the courage to use a lengthy explanation of who I am. People expect to hear what I DO, not an explanation of WHO I am, especially when it sounds like bragging about all the qualities I like about myself.
The Titles
It’s so much easier to use titles that are commonly recognized in introductions, which reasonably define you, until they don’t.
What actually defines you when you’ve retired your well rehearsed elevator speech? It sucks to feel unsure of your identity as you enter an uncharted season of life.
Instead of seeing it as a predicament, you could view it as a great opportunity to create the title you want and really learn who you are.
What’s your essence?
Society loves labels and titles to categorize people. Have you noticed?
Many of my clients are just getting to know themselves after a lifetime of service to others. They are tapping into buried interests and passions, and discovering their essence as they redefine their life.
Wouldn’t it feel radical to ditch the titles and lead with what makes you unique? Try it. I am…
Ask the right questions!
You may be wondering who am I now that I am free from my titles?
Well, start by identifying what you believe about yourself. What are you proud of? Would you change anything? If so, forgive yourself and let it go. Are there features of yourself you love? What are your gifts? What makes you feel alive?
Are there new skills you’d like to develop or natural talents you could explore? What do you consider fun?
I don’t pretend to have the answers
I’m a work in progress. {Maybe that could be how I introduce myself}
I believe this work is vital and necessary to break free from attachments to the past. It liberates you to blossom into the woman you long to BE.
This is your season to sparkle. Only you can answer the question of who you are and who you will become.
I can help
I’d love to help you sort through all the questions that will lead you to discovering your perfect introduction.
I offer a FREE guide, Rise Above Your Own Midlife BS. This guide will help you ask the right questions, identify who you want to be and stop sabotaging your best made goals for the future.
My Four Stages Of Reinvention Journal is available on Amazon. It sucks that change never gets easier. Journaling is a powerful tool in connecting to your thoughts and creating a map forward. Learning the Four Stages Of Reinvention will help you discover what phase of change your are in and build a road map for your future. Once you’ve mastered the four stages, you’ll never waste time fighting change again.
If you are in any stage of reinvention or change, I invite you to take advantage of a free consult call by simply visiting my calendar and picking a date/time that works for you. This will give you an opportunity to discover what midlife coaching is all about and if it’s a good fit for you.
Ditch the titles challenge
I’d love to get to know you, not your titles. I challenge you to craft an introduction free of common titles and send me what you come up with. It will be fun to see how creative y’all are!
Here’s to becoming who we are, not what we do!
~Tiffany
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky
