Tag Archives: Chaos

Does beating myself up work?

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Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention and certified life coach helping midlife women rise about their BS.

Does beating myself up work?  

Here I go again, beating myself up about a recent weight gain.  

I am disappointed, but the way I treat myself is ridiculous.  

It hit me that I subconsciously think feeling horrible about myself is the solution.  

As if a good scolding will put a fire under my butt.  

This mindset is similar to thinking hangovers will stop me from drinking wine again.  

Has it ever worked?

It sucks that creating positive change never get easier.   

Beating myself up with regret 

Copious amount of regret or remorse will not produce the energy needed to change course.

First, let me remind you to NOT beat yourself up for having lower energy thoughts and feelings.

They are there to teach you something.  Take a moment to acknowledge them and notice what the feelings produce.  

For me, regret feels heavy and defeated.  The feeling causes me to avoid exercise, wear big flowing dresses to hide, increase self depredating trash talk, and/or buffer with a bottle of wine, which creates even more regret.    

If feeling horrible about yourself won’t motivate you, then what will?  

Only a strong reason will motivate you to walk through any discomfort for change.  

Why do you dream of any accomplishment or destination?

You long for a feeling that you don’t currently have.  

Your “why” is linked to a feeling you desire.    

Radiant

How do you want to feel?  

There’s a symphony of emotions available to you at any given time.  I’d be happy to email you a two page list of emotions.  

So, I asked myself how will I feel when I reach my ideal weight?

Beautiful.  Worthy.  Strong.  Confident.  Capable.  Smart.  Blissful.  Carefree.  Ecstatic.  Energetic.  Energized.  Exhilarated.  Focused.  Free.  Gleeful.  Healthy.  Jubilant.  Liberated.  Natural.  Playful.  Radiant.  Rapturous.  Relaxed.  Self-affirming.  Tenacious.  Vigorous.  Youthful.

Is it possible to experience that feeling now?  YES!  

Today as I walked to the post office I practiced thinking I am radiant, which made me walk a little taller and put a smile on my face.  There is a big energetic difference between regret and radiant.  I felt it.  

Journal it

Do you want to know what you really think about yourself?  Carry a notebook for twenty four hours to jot down every thought you have about yourself.  

Before you start estimate a ratio of bad thoughts.  Do you think it will be twenty percent or eighty?  

At the end of your experiment, take a hard look at how you are treating yourself.  

Is this how you want to think and feel?  

If not, make a list of how you want to feel.  What will you need to believe?

I can help

It sucks to discover how ridiculous you are treating yourself and realize that beating yourself up never works.

My free guide Rise Above Your Own Midlife BS is a great start.  There are excellent journal prompts and practices to get you to question your BS beliefs and create ones that better serve you.  

I also offer a free consultation.  Ever wondered why midlife women hire a life coach?  Is it a good fit for you?  I invite you to hop onto a call with me to get your questions answered.

I know I can help!  I’m seeing results in my own life and the lives of my clients.  

Simply click on my calendar link and pick a date/time that works for you!  

Here’s to feeling radiant and ditching regret!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky

Four ways to thrive in chaotic times

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Tiffany Eckhardt, master of reinvention and certified life coach helping midlife woman thrive in chaotic times.

Four ways to thrive in chaotic times

Chaos seems to be the norm these days.  I have discovered four ways to move past survival mode and to thrive in chaotic times.

Drama unfolds daily on the world stage, but chaos isn’t only found in politics and pandemics.

Prior to 2020 your life might have been too busy, which felt chaotic.  Modern life had not made life simple as promised.  

I love Jewel’s song Hands.  

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we’re all ok.  And not worry ‘cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.  

I won’t be made useless or be idle with despair.  I will gather myself around my faith.  For light does the darkness fear. ~ Jewel

It may be a struggle, but it is possible to learn to thrive in these chaotic times.  

Four ways to thrive

Talking with friends and journaling has brought to light four ways to move past survival mode.  I encourage you to spend time answering the journal prompts and pondering the ways you can thrive.  

Acknowledge trauma

Life doesn’t slow down for chaos, but it’s important to process the trauma.  

Families still function.  The sun still rises and sets daily.   

Trauma is the not the experience.  Trauma is what is left in the body from the experience.  

The world has handed you {and me} a whopping dose of fear, continually. Your nerves may be frazzled from the body’s fight or flight response, depending on how much you expose yourself to the fear.

It’s exhausting to carry around stress for extended periods of time.  You may feel moody, tired and avoid things you need to do.  You may even think, what’s the use? 

It is important to acknowledge what you may be suppressing in order to function.

Don’t be afraid to journal your thoughts and feelings, if only to release them.  

Extend yourself grace.  These thoughts and feelings are clues that you need to take a break.  

After acknowledging the trauma, get reacquainted with what matters to you.  Surround yourself with what is lovely and true in your life.

Get physical

“I will not be made useless or be idle by despair.” ~ Jewel

Turn towards movement in moments of despair.  

Sweating my ass off in my victory garden makes me feel alive.  A true labor of love that allows me to focus on wonder.  I feel productive.  

I thrive in my garden, but also enjoy roller skating, talking to my family and friends, spending time with Jeff, building my dreams, helping midlife women and taking a walk {not in any specific order}. 

Gardening may not be your thing, but you can train yourself to turn towards what makes you feel alive!  Movement.  Any movement. 

Journal your responses…

What makes me feel productive?

How can I savor this moment? 

Is there movement that I can do today? 

Remember your accomplishments

Resilience has taught me that I can handle anything that is thrown at me.  

You have done hard things.  You have probably have done harder things while toting toddlers or juggling a demanding career.  

Build your confidence by journaling all that you have accomplished in your life.

How does that list make you feel?  I hope you see you are a badass capable of handling chaos.  

What do you believe about your accomplishments?  

Do you believe you are resilient?  

Worry is a misuse of your imagination

“Cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.” ~Jewel  

You may want to avoid more bad news or fear what is to come, but you can be confident in your strength to find a way through it. 

Imagining the worst case scenario in the present is wasteful and does little to affect the outcome.  In fact, you are actually experiencing what you fear ahead of time by worrying about it.

It is wise to prepare for the future, but the truth is you can’t predict how the future will exactly unfold.  So do what you can and trust yourself to handle the unexpected.  

No use worrying about what you don’t know to worry about.  

“I am never broken.” ~ Jewel

How committed are you to the chaos? 

Are you ready to let it go?

Journaling the prompts I’ve shared is a great start, but you may need help moving past the trauma.  

Never heard of working up a good mad?  It’s a real thing.  

If you are like me, once you’ve worked up a good mad for an extended period of time, it isn’t easy to see another way.  

I want to encourage you.  There is a way to thrive in the chaos.  I am confident that I can help you find YOUR way. 

I invite you to schedule a consultation to talk about the trauma you’ve been carrying.  You can ask me all the questions you might have about coaching and see if working with me is a good fit for you. 

Simply click on my calendar link and pick a date/time that works for you!

Here’s to to thriving!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.  

The truth is data drama is cramping my style

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Tiffany Eckhardt, certified life coach for women who are ready to take creative control of their lives. Are you suffering from data drama?
How ya feeling????

Is data drama cramping your style?

Full disclosure, life coaches are not immune to drama.   In today’s blog I will share insights from my journal in hopes that it will help you navigate the chaos created when data drama cramps your style.  

The struggle is real.  At this point, are your thoughts and feelings “large and in charge?”

It dawned on me today that I have fallen into information overload.  I can quickly get sucked into my iPhone apps, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook.  Before I know it, I’ve spent hours down a rabbit hole searching for truth and researching possible solutions. 

YEP, data drama is cramping my style.  It is time to take charge of my thoughts and feelings, live for the moment and create a future that motivates me today.

An a-ha moment while doing a thought download.  

Thank God for journaling!  Thought downloads are extremely important during times of chaos.  Journaling clarifies thoughts on paper and indicates where feelings are coming from.   

It dawned on me today that data drama is like the toilet paper phenomenon.  Investing hours in getting to the facts can be compared to standing in line for toilet paper.  It is an attempt to maintain some control over the uncontrollable. 

As if anything outside ourselves can be controlled. 

The only thing YOU control is YOUR thoughts.  What ever you focus your attention on becomes YOUR truth.  

How about allowing an alternate scenario equal airtime?   

I am not suggesting anyone should burying their head in the sand in ignorance.  It is important to be well informed and know what you believe.  Just understand, it is natural for your mind to obsess over the worst case scenario. 

It takes seventeen seconds for a thought to produce the vibration of a feeling.  If you feel tense or angry, take a hot second to to pause.  What thought produced the feeling of fear, anger, etc. 

“Do you want to feel fear or fierce?” ~Brooke Castillo  

Shut off the data drama long enough to give creativity a chance to shine!  You are in control of your storyline.  Give innovation and curiosity equal airtime.   Your unique talent is in desperate need in this moment. It would be a shame if data drama stole your thunder.

Ask yourself:

1. What do I want?

It is easy to know what you don’t want.  It takes practice to train your brain to look for what you do want.  A more beneficial thought might be, “how do I want to feel?” 

Data drama exposed my need for certainty.  So, I am choosing to look for thoughts that will serve my need for order. Instead of thinking, “This is a really scary time, feels worse than 2008.” I am choosing to think, “Jeff and I are in a better space mentally to deal with what ever presents itself.” Notice which thought gives me power over the unwelcome feeling of uncertainty.

Do you need to pivot?

2. What if this is happening for me, not against me?

Taken from Tony Robbins’ playbook… This is the best question to ask when looking for alternative scenarios.  Your mind makes up shit about the circumstances, so you might as well make up some shit that works for you!  Resist the worst case scenario. You control the narrative!  

3. How can I create and contribute?

Out of the six basic human needs, growth and contribution are the spiritual needs. Using the circumstance as an opportunity to learn, create and serve humanity allows you to connect with your soul! Can you create something that will add value to your community? Are opportunities for growth presenting themselves? What can you do to help your neighbors?

“If you can’t do great things, Mother Teresa used to say, do little things with great love. If you can’t do them with great love, do them with a little love. If you can’t do them with a little love, do them anyway. Love grows when people serve.” John Ortberg

My commitment to solutions

I am dedicated to those who can’t be caged!  Let me offer freedom from data drama! During this season I am committed to:

  1. Sharing information & resources
  2. Promoting wellness & immune health
  3. Asking quality questions
  4. Offering to listen 
  5. Coaching those who want practical ways to deal with real feelings.  
  6. Teaching the tools to manage thoughts
  7. Promoting & supporting my entrepreneurial friends & neighbors
  8. Sending love to this world!

As you can see I have NO time for data drama!  

Reach out to me if you need someone to listen.  I offer a FREE one hour consultation for first time clients. In that hour, I help you clarify how you really want feel and how to create thoughts to produce that feeling.

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!