I want to be as fat as I once thought I was.

Posted on May 4, 2023 by tiffany

I would love to be as fat as I once thought I was. Facebook memories from 2018 – 2019 {which wasn’t even that long ago} reminds me that I once could wear sleeveless dresses and cute bathing suits. My mantra was, “I am the girl who likes to work out.” Even then, I had a tendency to see the flaws and didn’t allow myself to admire my accomplishments.

My daughter in-love reminded me of a Moira Rose quote from the show Shits Creek. This is advice she gave to Stevie,

“Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think I’m too spooky, or nobody wants to look at these tiny boobies. But one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes, and say dear God I was a beautiful thing.”

Hindsight

It’s easy to look with hindsight and see circumstances differently.

That internal critic seems ridiculous looking back. Did I really think I was fat?

Midlife could be a time when you finally have the wisdom to be less critical of yourself, admire all that you’ve accomplished in your lifetime and believe you can create a future that is fulfilling.

However…

How many times recently have you thought I should be able to loose weight?

How many times have you thought if only I could {fill in the blank} I’d be happy.

Sadly, many at midlife still have not outgrown the critic.

Proverbs 3:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Hope deferred feels more like sadness to me. Hoping to lose weight is making me sad, as is hoping for a new truck or for things to be different.

Wisdom is realizing what you’re actually longing for.

What you really want is the way being skinny (or what ever you hope for) will make you feel.

Feeling fulfilled

I have found at the root of what makes midlife women miserable, is the need to feel fulfilled.

So how can you feel fulfilled? First stop looking for something external or an ideal circumstance to be fulfilling.

It won’t come from a scale, or driving down the road in a brand new truck with leather seats.

The fulfillment you are longing for isn’t in the past either… wanting to be as fat as you once thought you were.

What if I told you that being fulfilled is within your grasp?

I enjoy working with women who are tired of being hard on themselves, find themselves stuck in the past and want to start enjoying life.

So, don’t waist another day hoping for things to be different.

Being fulfilled is within. I can help you ditch the internal critic to discover what your heart is really longing for.

Schedule a chat with me by visiting my calendar link to pick a date/time that works for you.

Here’s to the best years ahead!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her wiring “YES” in the sky!

Won’t ask for help, but need to be heard and understood

Posted on April 25, 2023 by tiffany

I have a theory. Women aren’t necessarily going to ask for help, but need to be heard and understood.

My husband often gets frustrated with me when I share whatever I’m upset about. He feels like he should fix it. And honestly, unloading grievances often sounds like a cry for help. So I avoid using him as a sound board.

I have found that many women are accustomed to keeping their emotions bottled up and less likely to ask for help.

So, I posed this question on Instagram.

“Women, do you want help or do you just want to be heard?”

I thought I knew the answer, but was surprised to learn that women want both.

Lots of women want to be heard and understood, but also want help. My friend Vicki, who is a giver, wondered if she was actually taking an opportunity to give away from someone by not asking for help. My friend Leslie thoughtfully added that she needs to be heard for true connection, but likes physical help. And there are times when a spiritual or mental issue is done alone, after being heard.

When was the last time you asked for help?

I’m sure you know to ask for help if you need a tree cut down, or help moving furniture.

You might hire a coach if you need to get in shape, or want to start a new business.

But when was the last time you asked for help facing all the changes that happen in midlife.. a heartbreaking downsize, explaining your new role in social situations, etc. You might need a push to pursue a dream, but have never talked through the obstacles that are preventing you from moving forward.

A midlife crisis doesn’t always show up driving a red sports car. From what I see a “midlife crisis” shows up quietly in an empty nest or an empty calendar that was once overbooked.

You may have never considered asking for help for what you are experiencing. It is hard to put a finger on the problem, and can even feel silly. You finally have free time and a little financial freedom, but you can’t seem to explain why you’re so lonely and dread the future.

Finding help

Obviously it is not healthy to keep feelings bottled in.

You don’t need to be fixed, you just need someone to listen to you and help you clarify your thoughts.

I understand and want to provide a trusted sound board for you. I believe you can move from dreading each day to believing your best years are ahead.

I’d love to help you create a vision for your future. Visit my calendar link and schedule a free consultation.

I am also considering a weekly gathering at The Coop for those who want to support each other through midlife changes. It could be an opportunity to share weekly highs and lows in a group setting. Let me know what you think… a coffee hour, a happy hour… I am open to suggestions.

Here’s to believing our best years are ahead!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.

Another Freakin Diet

Posted on November 14, 2022 by tiffany

Another freakin diet

How many diets have you tried in your lifetime? How many times have you started over?

I started a fitness journey in March 2019. At my best shape, when I felt great in my own skin, I had lost twenty pounds and major inches in all the key areas. Three years later, I am two pounds heavier than when I started in 2019.

There are lots of reasons that I let myself slide into unhealthy habits. I can almost pinpoint when my attitude shifted and it became harder to get back to the routine that delivered great results.

The underlying belief that sabotages my best intentions is that I want it to be easy. I was told in my early teens that I will battle my weight the rest of my life, so I better get used to diets and exercise.

There are two ways I could have internalized those words. I developed a belief that healthy habits was something to dread, but I could have developed habits that became lifestyle I enjoyed.

Success in creating the life you want is determined by how you choose to think about it.

This morning I woke up with dread. It’s the first day of another freakin diet.

Instead of letting that thought fester, I journaled.

Yes, I am starting over where I started three years ago. I have lots of regrets.

However, I am capable of sticking with a lifestyle that includes exercise and making good choices. I’ve done it before. Time to flip the script!

The reason I am starting this journey AGAIN is that I want to experience wellness and feel great in the second half of my life. Right now I am feeling the affects of my bad choices.

I am not starting another diet. I am creating a wellness lifestyle to avoid endless doctor appointments and the inevitable decline in health that most people accept with aging. It actually feels rebellious, which gets my butt off the couch to do the HIIT workout I had planned to do today.

What is your reason?

It is important for you to become aware of your beliefs that sabotage your best intentions.

It is equally important to know the reason you want to start something new.

After talking through her thoughts about weight loss, one of my clients realized that she feared missing out on fun and that after the newness wore off she would get bored with her diet. She decided that her intention moving forward would simply be, “I am healthy. A healthy me is a happy me, and I choose happy me.”

Another client was very close to hitting her goal weight and just wanted to be done. She reframed her thoughts and chose to think, “I’m just getting started.” It was not the end of her journey as a healthy fit woman. Actually, she is just getting started.

Are you ready to get started?

I help women stop wasting precious time upset about midlife, and start believing their best years are ahead. My clients conquer self sabotage in numerous areas of life.

You may know what you want, but something is holding you back.

If you feel stuck getting started, I can help you move past your resistance with confidence.

You can create your life, but you have to get started. Are you ready?

I’d love to chat with you about your new beginning. Schedule a free consultation with me today. Simply click on my calendar link and pick a time/date that works for you.

Here’s to new beginnings AGAIN! And believing the best years are ahead!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

What is keeping you stuck

Posted on May 23, 2022 by tiffany

Tiffany Eckhardt, certified life coach, helping women make it through midlife without a crisis. In this blog, she talks about not being a pansy, but a dandelion.

I’ve been journaling about my inability to get in shape. Well, you can’t actually get in shape if you are avoiding exercise and having too many cocktails. What is keeping me stuck?

I vacillate between dreading the workouts and loathing myself for not doing the workouts, two sides of the same coin… shame.

Thoughts are self-fulling prophesies. Somewhere along the way I had a thought that this should be easy.

When it is not easy, it becomes easier to to avoid, to retreat from my goals and to give up.

I’m not a pansy. I’m a dandelion.

The thought that I am not a pansy… I am a dandelion will kick my butt back in shape.

Feel free to use the thought too, especially if you feel stuck.

You have done hard things, so have I.

Pansies represent loving feelings, but as a delicate flower has a reputation for weakness.

Dandelions are determined and can grow anywhere in any condition. Although this flower is considered a weed, it has been used to symbolize light, hope, and healing for centuries. Blowing on dandelion puffs feels playful, offering a hint of longevity as the seeds of hope are spread on the wind.

Can you see yourself as a dandelion?

Do you feel determined to become the woman you can admire, or are you avoiding the desires of your heart because you think it should be easier?

I am going on record. I’m officially ditching the narrative that it should be easier and embracing the discomfort of getting back in shape. I value longevity and wellness, standing strong and being proud of how I show up for life. I am worth the effort… and so are you!

Let’s cheer each other on!

You are not a delicate flower and can do hard things too!

You’re a dandelion, the underdog of humble strength that offers abundant hope.

If this resonates with you, let’s cheer each other on. I’d love to hear about your journey.

However, if you are vacillating between dread and loathing yourself, I can help you! My clients are experiencing success in becoming the hero of their own story. It helps to have someone listen to your story and help you see where you are stuck, and then get you on the road to creating the life YOU really want.

I invite you to schedule a consultation… a chat to see if working with me is a good fit for your journey. Simply reach out to me or use my calendar link to pick a time/date that works for you.

Here’s to becoming a strong, determined dandelion.

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky

Choose Yourself

Posted on May 8, 2022 by tiffany

Tiffany Eckhardt, certified life coach and master of reinvention... want you to learn to choose you in midlife!

How often do you choose yourself? A common theme with the women I coach is learning to make yourself a priority in midlife. Some clients are learning to take back their time, while others are making this their time to shine.

Choosing yourself is about finding significance in the opinion you hold of yourself. ~Tiffany

Significance is not selfish, it’s one of the eight basic human needs. I promise developing a healthy opinion does not make you a narcissist.

The real problem is people expect their needs to be met by others, wether the need is solving loneliness, feeling heard or finding purpose.

So, it is not surprising when you find yourself disappointed with people or circumstances, especially when they are not meeting your needs.

Choosing me is hard

I hate inconveniencing others and tend to project my feelings or expectations onto others.

When I make decisions based on how it will affect the people around me, even when it is not in my best interest, I then tend to expect others to consider how their decisions will affect me.

As I regularly preach, other people are not thinking of you. They are busy meeting their own needs… a vicious cycle that is broken when you learn to meet your own needs, to choose yourself.

A priority

After a recent fight with my husband, that revolved around making plans without discussing it first, this thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

How can I feel like a priority when the opinion I hold of myself is squat.

The fear of being unlovable or unworthy is very common, and not surprising that I caught myself in this pattern of belief. I was making the plans my husband made mean I was not a priority, which was not what he meant at all.

Had I realized that I was triggered by the thought I was not a priority, I might have approached the topic completely different.

Find freedom

It is my intention for you to believe that your best years are ahead and midlife is a precious gift, a time to find your significance in your own opinion.

If you have a healthy self worth, good for you! We need more people like you in the world. By valuing yourself, you walk in freedom and no one has to live up to your expectations.

However, if you struggle with significance like I do, there is freedom for you too.

Start acknowledging when you’re looking to outside influences to gain the value you seek.

Learn to speak up for yourself.

Believe your time is valuable.

See your gifts are priceless.

Start to choose yourself.

I can help you traverse the web of thoughts ingrained in your opinion of yourself and create new ones that will empower you to move forward into an exciting, fun future.

I invite you to schedule a free consultation. Let’s chat about how working with me will help you create a healthy opinion of yourself. I want to learn where you are at, and where you’d like to be in life.

Here’s to finding significance in the opinion you hold of yourself! And choosing to believe in your worth!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

Opportunities for resiliency

Posted on May 2, 2022 by tiffany

Have you ever felt rode hard and put up wet? That feeling is a clear sign that it is time to check-in, take stock and evaluate what you want to create for yourself and acknowledge the opportunity for resiliency.

This morning I woke up with achey legs and feeling acidic. My health and wellness is suffering from months under the pressure of planning a wedding, which by the way turned out perfect. I skipped yoga and indulged in evening cocktails as I tried to turn off the constant to-do list in my head.

As I clean up the wedding whirlwind and a fun-filled week with my grandkids, thoughts of resiliency pop in my head.

I feel exhausted, but it is time to focus on the life I want and who I want to be.

Here are my random thoughts on resiliency.

Messes clean up.

Weight gained can be lost.

Hearts mend.

The human body bounces back to wellness if taken care of.

Kids will grow up, get married and have kiddos… and I continue to thrive (when I choose to).

Opportunities for resilience

Being aware of your resiliency is empowering.

I am run down, out of shape and gained belly fat in the process, but I will not to hang out in self deprivation.

This is just another opportunity to prove that I am resilient and can become a better version of me in the process.

Opportunities for you to prove your resiliency exist too.

Focus on the future

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, or in this case a thought.

Start developing a dream of what you want for your life and how you want to show up.

Start dreaming with the innocence of a five year old, but with the inner strength of the woman you will become five years in the future.

Decide what you want to believe about yourself.

Don’t be shy about asking for help!

It is my intention that you believe your best years are ahead. I help women discover they are resilient and create the life they really want.

I’d love to help you navigate your opportunities for resiliency.

Reach out to me! I offer a free consultation. Simply click on my calendar link and choose a date and time that works for you.

Don’t waste any more precious time stuck! You are more resilient that you realize.

And you don’t have to feel alone. It always helps to talk through your opportunity for resiliency with someone who is great at listening and can ask the right questions.

Here’s to being resilient and thriving!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.

What is possible

Posted on December 18, 2021 by tiffany

Do you know what is possible? Who taught you?

On December 17th 2019 I recorded a Facebook Live that showed up in my memories this week. Watching this video reminded me that it was Mister Rogers who taught me to believe in possibilities.

Read all the way to the end to learn how committed I am to YOUR possibilities!

His influence on possibilities

Jeff and I had just went to see the long awaited movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood. I have fond memories of watching Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood as a child and was looking forward to learning more about the man.

I took for granted the role Mister Rogers had in my formative years. He taught children that they were in control of their thoughts and feelings, and that anything is possible.

I have always believed in my capacity of creating life on my own terms. Maybe Mister Rogers put that thought into my head.

In my blog article, His influence on possibilities, I wondered what I once believed possible as a child. What did YOU believe was possible as a child?

What if you dared to dream with the innocence of a five year old, AND with the inner strength of the woman you’ve become?

Don’t give up

Mister Rogers never gave up on his personal quest to help children believe in the importance of their thoughts and feelings.

“It would not be easy, No – for in order to win such a battle, he would have to forbid himself the privilege of stopping, and whatever he did right he would have to repeat, as though were already living in eternity.” Tom Junod

What will YOU believe is possible for 2022 if you don’t give up?

We are all connected

“The connections we make in the course of a life—maybe that’s what heaven is, Tom. We make so many connections here on earth. Look at us—I’ve just met you, but I’m investing in who you are and who you will be, and I can’t help it.” Mister Rogers

I’m so glad we are connected. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for following my journey for the past two years. I hope you have been inspired along the way to believe in your potential.

If YOU are new to Flown The Coop…WELCOME!

My heart is in serving YOU in 2022! Like Mr. Rogers…I’m investing in who you are and who you will be, and I can’t help it.

To celebrate Christmas I am giving 10 women a copy of my journal, Four Stages of Reinvention with four free coaching sessions. I want YOU to start 2022 believing in your possibilities.

The first 10 women to email me their address with the subject line “I believe in possibilities” will get their copy in the mail the first week of January. eckhardt.tiffany@gmail.com

Here’s to truly believing in possibilities!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky

Midlife… the badass ride

Posted on December 5, 2021 by tiffany

Tiffany Eckhardt is crazy enough to believe her best years are ahead and wants YOU to BE crazy too! Midlife is the badass ride.

Could midlife reflect the feeling of the badass ride captured in the 2011 Harley Davidson commercial? It’s one of the best ads ever!

The commercial embodies the feeling of riding down the road with the wind in your hair and freedom deep in your soul.

It could also reflect a midlife woman who no longer buys what the world is selling when it comes to her life. She’s tired of playing it safe, following the rules and is ready for an adventure.

This midlife woman believes that life is what she makes of it, and its time to make it one hell of a ride!

Take a listen to the commercial….

So what does this midlife woman believe?

Imagine the sound of rumbling pipes and the feeling of adventure flowing through you as you read the declarations of this badass woman….

She is crazy enough to believe the best years are ahead, and that goddesses never age.

Age is just a number, and if you rest you rust.

As the magic maker for her family and community, she is ready to create some magic for herself.

This gal has FINALLY ditched the box society puts her in.

Understanding her worth, she no longer participates in the popularity contest.

No longer the wallflower, she is ready to dance!

Can you believe it?

Could you be this midlife woman?

What does it feel like to BE her?

Does if feel bold? How about confident? What about free?

All of that is possible for you. Can you believe it?

This could be your year!

Are you ready to join a growing number of women who are choosing to create a world that embraces the season of midlife and beyond?

The sky is the limit! Does your heart race when you think of all that is possible?

If you long to BE her, but can’t quite ditch all the baggage that you packed over the years? I can help!

I want you to truly believe midlife is a gift, and that your best years are ahead!

I’d love to have a chat with you! Let’s hop on a call and find out where you are, where you want to be and how to get you there!

It’s time to fly free! Let’s find out what’s on the other side of the hill. Here’s to one hell of a ride!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!

Making way for new adventures

Posted on November 29, 2021 by tiffany

Make way for new adventures

At the time of this writing, there are only five weeks left in 2021. Wow! I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to put this year behind and make way for new adventures.

I’m the weirdo who delights in dreaming about the future, picking a word or a phrase for the year, creating vision boards and mind movies. December is the month I usually focus on the next year.

This year I’m taking a slightly different approach.

Instead of focusing on the what (material gain or achievement), I’m figuring out the why (that which makes me feel alive).

Will 2022 be the year you start living with purpose and make way for new adventures?

Think beyond the material

Do you know what you want for 2022?

The experts agree, people typically use only ten percent of their potential. My theory is that most people don’t reach their potential because they are not in touch with what truly makes them feel alive.

“Most of us can be found flying too close to the ground. Too often we don’t give ourselves permission to soar.” ~Price Pritchett

Think beyond what you want materially and dare to declare what you want to be known for.

For example, I decided a couple years ago that I wanted to be known for uncommon energy. That declaration paved the way for me to do far more than I once thought possible. I never thought of myself as a public speaker, until I delivered a Veteran’s Day message in front of hundreds of people. Turns out that it wasn’t as scary as I built it up to be in my mind.

In the book YOU2, Price Pritchett suggests it is time to start focusing on possibilities, rather than on limits.

Clean out

To embark on this new adventure, start by cleaning out what no longer serves you.

It is easy to identify items that could be discarded or donated, like clothing or junk in a drawer. So, start there.

My favorite clothing hack: I turn all the hangers in my closet backwards at the change of each season. What I wear goes back into the closet facing the right direction. What remains hanging backwards is discarded, usually donated to charity.

The not so obvious place to explore are the habits, thoughts and emotions that no longer server you.

While cleaning out physical items gives you a clean slate to start the year, cleaning out emotional baggage can set you free to soar beyond your wildest dreams.

Some thoughts to break free from: I’m too old to loose weight. I hate hangovers, but have no power to stop my nightly habit of winding down after a long day. The life I want is out of my league. It is selfish to invest in myself. Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

Most of the thoughts I helped my clients discard in 2021 had them feeling broken, lonely and defeated for years.

What if you could leave all that behind in 2021?

Questions are the answers

Researches have found that when posed a question, your brain automatically searches for the answer to the question.

Interestingly, most people are programmed to think of all the reasons something won’t work. So, dismiss those reasons and explore your inner longings for 2022 by asking yourself really good questions.

Here are a few questions to activate your brain.

What new things will I say yes to this year? What am I drawn to?

Will I schedule fun into my daily life? What do I consider fun?

When do I feel most alive? How do I incorporate that in my life in 2022?

Can I identify five silly things I would like to try once?

Now try coming up with a few of your own questions.

Life is the greatest adventure

“There is the risk you cannot afford to take, {and} there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.” ~ Peter Drucker

What is tugging at your heart as you start to think beyond 2021?

The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is permission to soar.

If you want to make room for adventures, but afraid to take the risk, I can help. I’ve been in your shoes and would love to share what I’ve learned. I’m a great listener and can help you find what keeps you stuck.

I invite you to schedule a chat with me. Simply reach out and I will send you a link to my calendar.

Here’s to starting 2022 with a clean slate and ready to embark on new adventures!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” In the sky!

A time to gather

Posted on November 22, 2021 by tiffany

A time to gather! Americans are barreling into the holiday season with Thanksgiving, a special day to gather the family around the dinner table to give thanks.

Holidays can be a lot of fun with adult children, but can also be tricky as siblings scatter in pursuit of their dreams.

It’s not always possible to gather everyone around the table each year, which can be heavy on the hearts of midlife moms.

A smaller gathering

You may think that the holidays will never be the same after the kids have flown the coop.

That thought probably makes you a little sad and lonely. Me too!

When your heart feels sad, you’re less likely to put effort into the holiday. You don’t feel like cooking a big dinner. The decorations don’t come out. Traditions are ditched.

Of course the holidays won’t be the same, especially if you don’t have the same energy for them.

Gratitude

This year I will celebrate Thanksgiving without my extended family. We will see my family and our daughter’s family between Christmas and New Years.

Of course I’ll be sad without my family around the table.

After I allow myself a good cry, I will remember that I can create just as much magic for myself as I once did for my kids. I am worth the effort.

Giving yourself permission to create the magic for yourself is empowering and fills the season with meaning again.

Although the holidays are definitely different, you can truly be grateful for the gift of midlife by acknowledging the time you now have to pursue what makes you feel alive.

Enchanting

What if you had another way to look at the holidays?

It took me a long time to fall in love with the holidays again.

After years of trying to navigate the holidays with an aching heart, I’ve put together five tips to help you recapture the Christmas magic!

My free Midlife Mom’s Guide to Recapturing Christmas Magic will help you believe the holidays can be enchanting in any season of life.

You don’t need to spend too much time feeling sad or lonely. I’d love to send you a copy today. Simply message me or email me a request. I will forward you the pdf version of the guide. eckhardt.tiffany@gmail.com

As always, I invite you to schedule a chat with me. I can help you create magic for your holiday season!

Happy Thanksgiving!

~Tiffany

And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky.