Are you shoulding yourself?
The word should needs to go!
The word should is a verb and is the least motivating word in the English language. Should is used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.
The word carries weight that does not motivate.
You might be shoulding if….
Anytime you think you should act in a certain way in order to be loved or worthy. Stop it!
Here are some example thoughts you might have had.
I should be able to loose weight, if only I could just stop eating bread and sugar.
I should like to work out.
There is a person you’ve been avoiding that you should call.
You wake up in the morning with a list of things you should do, but none if them sound fun.
The night before you drank a bottle of wine to take your mind off things, and the next morning think you shouldn’t have done that.
Why you should yourself?
If you are a midlife woman like me, you have a long history of shoulding yourself.
Your the woman they could count on for the cupcakes at your child’s school.
You beat yourself up for not being a certain size jeans, as if your weight is the reason someone should like you.
If you could only live up to the magazine pictures in Better Homes And Gardens!
You feel guilt and shame when you use the verb should, implying you have no control over your actions or will.
I add a little rebellion to my feelings of guilt and shame. I personally hate being told what to do, it’s part of my fiery personality. Can you relate?
In any case, the word should indicates a dissatisfaction with life.
Ask yourself why
I’ll be a little vulnerable and share a should in my life.
I have a habit of drinking a couple of glasses of wine or old fashions in the evening. It really isn’t bad, but I started thinking I should be able to enjoy the evening without the cocktail. I worry excessive alcohol is affecting my wellness and productivity the next morning.
I started thinking I should be able to quit the habit during the week.
That should only caused me to feel ashamed and beat myself up every morning.
When I finally got honest with myself and journaled my thoughts and feelings, I realized that the real reason I was drinking more than I wanted to was two feelings… boredom and loneliness. I spent time exploring why I was bored and lonely, which led to even more insights into what was really going on.
Now that I have identified reasons for my extra glass of wine, I can work on the root thoughts and feelings, and offer myself grace instead of shame.
Ask yourself why when you think you should? When asked a question, your mind will go to work to answer it.
At the root of every should is a desire for something. What is your heart really longing for?
Shed the should
Midlife is time to get honest with yourself. This is your season to shed the should!
Start discovering what would feel zesty, juicy and rewarding. A daily journal practice is a great way to discover what is really going on in your mind.
Employ the word NO to requests of your time or energy. Say YES to everything that aligns with the life you want to create.
I can help!
Do you have a long history with the word should? Could you use a little help ditching the habit?
My clients are rising above all kinds of midlife BS. You can too!
It’s been my experience that hiring an objective listener identified where I’ve been shoulding myself.
As your life coach, I will help you leap over the divide from what you think you should be doing to what you want to be doing.
Your best years begin with a healthy dose of curiosity.
Curious about hiring a life coach? I invite you to schedule a consultation by clicking Ask A Coach below
Here’s to shedding the should!
And the birds fluttered around her writing “YES” in the sky!